Pole position?!

"Quick, honey! Come here and check out what that wacky King is doing!"

Yes, that's the sound of an average resident of North Carolina trying to figure out why the Carolina Hurricanes have an ad campaign featuring the most beloved stock car driver of all time-Richard Petty-peddling hockey to the masses.

You can't fault the Hurricanes' marketing staff for trying to get more people out to the games, especially since there were about 14,000 people disguised as empty seats at any given Carolina game last season. But a zamboni mocked up to look like The King's famous #43 car? Blasphemy!

Besides, it's not like they haven't tried this before. Readers with especially sharp memories for useless knowledge may remember that the 'Canes tried the same thing last year, touting fellow racer Jeff Burton as the team's official driver.

Apparently the PR people were not impressed with Burton's fifth-place finish in the Winston Cup standings. So with only the thought, "These people around here sure like racin'!" running through their minds, they brought in the most famous name in the sport to give it another go.

Has it worked? Sort of. The 'Canes play to much more than 30 percent capacity this season... because the team curtained off about 40 percent of the seats for most games.

Here's a free tip: Stop trying so hard. When you open your new stadium in Raleigh next year, people will come. And they won't even need a NASCAR celebrity to tell them to do it.

Until then, I'm going to try to forget the image of a wide-grinned Petty wearing a 'Canes jersey. It's been keeping me up at night.