It all happened one beautiful spring Sunday near the end of March in 1985. The dreams of a few good men-no, great men-were realized in front of millions around the world who watched on pay-per-view. Both muscular and flabby men, who would soon change the lives of many, sprinted out of their locker rooms in tight, colored grippers toward a ring called the squared-circle. Yes, it was Wrestlemania I.
Although most of us were only about seven or eight at the time, it changed our lives too. But I now ask, what has happened to the wrestlers of today?
Wrestlers of today use obscene four-letter words in every sentence. Wrestlers of old only used a few four-letter words: know, as in "I know I can win;" fear, as in "I fear no one because I have the self-confidence it takes to make it in this world;" mean and gene, as in "Mean Gene" Okerlund-the greatest sports commentator and interviewer of the modern era.
Wrestlers of today don't get offered movie or television contracts. Who can forget Hulk Hogan's gut-wrenching performance in "No Holds Barred" or "Rocky III"? Who can forget Zeus's stellar showing in "Friday"? (He was Devo, the guy that got knocked out at the end by Ice Cube.) How was Andre the Giant overlooked for an Oscar nomination for his role in "The Princess Bride?"
Who can forget the UPN weekly show "Thunder in Paradise," starring the Hulkster with guest appearances by Rowdy Roddy Piper? I know I never would have tried beef jerky if it weren't for the "Macho Man" Randy Savage and his words of wisdom: "Need a little excitement? Snap into a Slim Jim!" Oh, I got a little excitement I tell you.
Wrestlers today have no sense of patriotism. How many times did "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan defend the honor of this great country inside the ring? That great American would walk to the ring with a two-by-four in one hand and an American flag in the other. He fought off the Russian Boris Zukoff, the Iron Shiek from Iraq and, of course, Canada's strongest man, Dino Bravo. After that match, I called all of my Canadian friends and rubbed the victory in their faces.
Wrestlers today have no fashion sense. Piper was always proud to enter the ring in a kilt and his "Hot Rod" tee shirt. The "Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase made famous the pull-off tuxedo and the Million-Dollar belt. The Ultimate Warrior risked cutting off the circulation in his arms and legs to make a bold statement with his tassles, and, of course, the Warrior face paint, which never seemed to rub off.
Instead of focusing on the faults of the modern wrestlers, it is best to remember the good times of the past. As the masterful artist Richard Marx once said, "Hold on to the night. Hold on to the memories."
There are many memories of the old WWF, ranging from Saturday Night's Main Event to Wrestlemania VIII. I know the hair on my arms still stands on edge when I merely think of the Ultimate Warrior flying out of the locker room to a standing ovation to rescue the Hulkster from five bad guys aiming to seriously injure the champ.
Who can forget Wrestlemania III? Two dear friends, Hulk and Andre, head-to-head within the ropes. Hogan showed himself to be the true champion when he body-slammed the massive Giant. I know I was proud to be a little Hulkster that day.
The year 1989 was certainly a great year for the WWF, as well as for the Nelson brothers. Matthew and Gunner recorded timeless hits such as "I Can't Live Without Your Love and Affection" and "After the Rain." But '89 proved to be the year of the Warrior. In an epic struggle, possibly only paralleled by the Oscar-winning "English Patient," the Ultimate Warrior pinned Hogan for the title.
In the greatest display of sportsmanship in sports history, Hogan rose off the mat after defeat and presented the belt to the victor, raising the Warrior's arm as he did so. This was reminiscent of the inspirational ending of The Karate Kid, where Ralph Macchio is presented the trophy by that other guy with the blonde hair who was supposed to "Put him in a body bag, Johnny!"
The glory years of the WWF once saw WCW legend "Nature Boy" Ric Flair cross over into its ring. Flair's stay was brief but certainly not unnoticed. These days, all the old greats are in the WCW, but it is just not the same.
In closing, I would like to pay tribute to all those not already mentioned who changed my life so dramatically, such as Jimmy "Superfly" Snooka, Jake "the Snake" Roberts, Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake, Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat, Bam Bam Bigelow, Brother Love, The Rockers, "Ravishing" Rick Rude, Razor Ramone, "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Heart and Bobby "the Brain" Heenan.
I leave you with one final question, which has become my personal motto: What you gonna do, when Hulkamania runs wild on you... brother?
Brian Kane is a Trinity sophomore. Even though he thinks today's wrestlers are inferior, he can still be found Monday nights flipping between Monday Nitro and Raw Is War trying to recapture some of the memories.
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