Boring commentaries have become commonplace on the editorial pages of The Chronicle. Many guilty columnists are consistently writing about petty issues that do not affect the University community. Race relations and national politics are two examples of this recent trend.
But thank goodness for Adam Russell. His insightful commentary on Jan. 24, "Fraternities Spin Dangerous Web of Conformist Unity," provided welcome relief. Fraternities do not receive ample criticism in the press and his brilliant prose contained more profound statements than Picasso has paint.
I have been a content member of a fraternity throughout the last four years. But Russell changed my life forever, outlining the dangers of conformity that are inherent in the Greek system. I trembled in astonishment while reading Russell's uncanny display of power and intelligence. I am currently undergoing therapy, and a helpful CAPS counselor has recommended that I deactivate from my fraternity.
But I am worried that Russell's column was ineffective. Fraternity bids increased by 40 percent this year, and Greek shot glasses are selling like hot cakes at the Washtub. I now realize that fraternities are a bigger threat to campus than Buchananism. I can only hope that every freshman will choose to drop out of the pledge process upon experiencing the dangers of conformity.
Fraternities transform hundreds of naive freshman into robots each year. Pledges are traditionally required to adhere to the dress code of flannel shirts, tattered baseball caps and corduroy pants. Many fraternities forbid their pledges from walking their own walk or talking their own talk. By the end of the pledge process, many freshman will only be able to communicate in a secret language that only their brotherhood can understand.
"All the potent, radiant and estimable minds I met at Duke were independent," wrote Russell. This statement is ironclad. I find it impossible to argue otherwise because my only friends at the University are slow-witted Greeks. I haven't encountered a single intellectual during my four years at this prestigious institution, although my friend Larry can drink a pitcher of beer in a mere 20 seconds. The boy has talent.
I myself was a fairly intelligent individual before choosing to join a fraternity. But then I became nothing more than my fraternity's sweatshirt. I was engrossed in the meaning of brotherhood as I quickly learned the Greek alphabet. The Interfraternity Council was suddenly more important than Duke Student Government.
Russell wrote that fraternities recruit potential pledges during the rush process by offering access to previous years' exams and notes. He is absolutely correct. My fraternity library is an absolute treasure chest. Last year we hired a permanent librarian to help organize our extensive test files. Many University students would have failed "Physics for Poets" without access to this unquestionable luxury.
I now realize my grade point average is significantly inflated because I use my fraternity library on a daily basis. My friends call me "Crazy Library Man." And it is no secret that many other Greeks routinely resort to cheating and plagiarism in certain courses. Yet is should be mentioned that one of my fraternity brothers actually studied for his "Introduction to Jazz" midterm. He received an A+ which proves good things happen to good people.
I noticed that Russell was a recipient of last year's Johnny Rhodes Scholarship. I can't figure out what a Maryland basketball player has to do with academics. Maybe Russell could address this confusing question in a future commentary. My fraternity brothers also enjoy reading about cool cars and hot girls, so these topics would be equally compelling.
In conclusion, Russell should be commended for avoiding senseless stereotyping in his column (i.e. all Greeks wear togas, drink Athenian beer and read Sophocles religiously). Even fraternity brothers have feelings. My friend Larry is a manic depressive. Last semester he resorted to drinking a yard of ale after a poor performance on the LSATs.
Larry is most definitely a legendary Frat Daddy. He also has a great sense of humor. His favorite joke begins with, "Shavar Jeffries, Seth Persily and Peggy Cross walk into a barÉ" The end of the joke is a bit too controversial for newsprint. Larry would disagree. The dangers of conformity have already claimed his life. I can only hope that Russell's column will save mine.
Christopher Kyle is a Trinity senior.
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