'Dating? No one dates here.'
That's the response of many Duke students when asked about the campus social scene.
"Taking a girl out--doesn't that support the subjugation of women?" says senior Trace Sheehan. "There are some girls who would be offended if you tried to take them out on a traditional date. They don't like chivalry. They don't like being put into a role."
Women's roles, even in courtship, were extremely limited until the second wave of the feminist movement in the late 1950s and 1960s, says Donna Lisker, director of the Women's Center.
"Women were expected to marry fairly young, and marriage and motherhood were valued above all else," Lisker says. "Career opportunities were extremely limited. Those expectations have been turned upside downÉ. Women have much more control over their own lives, including their romantic lives."
Despite the freedom of choice that Lisker and many others have observed, some worry today's campus environment, notoriously filled with alcohol and casual sexual encounters, may actually be harmful to women.
The Independent Women's Forum, a conservative women's group, released a study this summer, entitled, "Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Hoping for Mr. Right--College Women on Dating and Mating Today," that claims although most college women embrace marriage as a life goal, they are undermined by the prevalence of relationships on college campuses that feature sex without commitment.
According to the 1,000 college women surveyed in the study, there are only two choices: launch into intense yet vague relationships or "hook up"--engage in a casual physical encounter. Also, the study found that women today are more willing to enter casual sexual relationships, even when they know such liaisons leave them emotionally empty.
No one denies that gender roles have radically changed since the 1950s, but exactly what those changes have been and how they've affected women is hotly debated.
William Raspberry, Knight professor of the Practice of Journalism and Communications, who featured the study in his Washington Post column, says in the past, men were the seekers of sexual relations and that women granted sexual favors. Now that women often engage in "hook ups," he believes women have given up the one element of equalizing control they possessed: the power to control sex.
However, Toril Moi, professor of literature, sees the situation differently.
"Traditional rules for female behavior gave women absolutely no power to have sex when they wanted to," she says. "They had to wait until they were married, whether they liked it or not. And they took all the blame if they Ofell' before marriage, as if the Ofall' were a one-person activity."
Mazella Hall, staff clinical social worker and coordinator of women's services for Counseling and Psychological Services, says the changes have been liberating for women and have given them a greater voice in relationships.
"I feel that women are recognizing more their options about when, where and how they want to have sex," Hall says.
Raspberry agrees women have more options, but he does not understand why young women have adapted the casual behavior that he calls "traditionally male."
"Sex without having to pretend to be responsible and committed is sort of a male adolescent dream, and there's some concern that at least some young women in the name of equality are claiming the right to be as irresponsible as young men have tended to be," he says.
Although today's situation may not be perfect, Moi still believes women are better off.
"Today, as 50 years ago, women are much more easily labeled Oimmoral' than men," she says. "I nevertheless think that it's better for
In fact, Lisker says attitudes may have changed more than actual behavior. "These things have always happened--society is just far more open about it, and far less judgmental than [it] used to be," she says. "I think those who want to hook up will find ways to make it happen regardless of their living situation. Casual sex occurred in the 1950s despite single-sex dorms and curfews and house-mothers, and it occurs now as well."
Regardless of the relative prevalence of casual sex, Raspberry says the way today's women have approached sexual relationships is new.
"The fact is that there have been these two approaches to sexuality," Raspberry says. Men and women employ different strategies to extend their lineage. Biologically, men can behave as if their children are tadpoles--they can have as many children as possible and not worry about their offspring--but women are designed to have a few offspring and take care of them well.
Young women may be trying to act more like men, but they don't react like men according to the study. However, Moi questions these prescribed feelings and behaviors.
"It would be helpful if [people] would stop assuming that women and men are all that different in their needs and wishes when it comes to sex and emotions," she says. "Interview both sexes in reasonably unbiased ways and we'll hear about male uncertainty, pain, emotional pain and about female sexual frustration too."
Lisker agrees and says her concerns about Duke students, such as the fact that so many sexual encounters occur between students who are highly intoxicated, involve both male and female students.
"Sexual and romantic relationships are inherently confusing, so I think at any given time there are a number of Duke women and men feeling confused and disempowered by their love lives," she says.
The study contends women are particularly dissatisfied because although 63 percent would like to meet their future husband in college, their relationships "are often characterized by either too little commitment or too much, leaving women with few opportunities to explore the marriage worthiness of a variety of men before settling into a long-term commitment with one of them."
Although Lisker agrees that there are many college students looking for mates, she does not think that most see marriage as an immediate goal, especially because the typical age for a first marriage has gotten older.
"I don't believe that most college women and men go into their dating relationships to Oexplore the marriage worthiness' of their partners," she says. "The study reflects an outdated and sexist notion that women go to college in search of their OMrs. Degree' rather than to get a college degree that will prepare them for their future career."
Moi is suspicious of the idea that women are desperate to marry whereas men are delighted to play the sexual field. "It sounds like sexist stereotyping to me," she says.
Most Duke students agree that traditional dating is a lost art and that students are generally single and hook up or are in "attached at the hip" relationships. But other issues, like why women are at college, are more contentious.
Senior Paulina Tam says for her, college is a step toward a career, but that for many women, including some at Duke, college is still a step toward getting married.
Her friends from high school, who attend state colleges, like to joke that they are moving from their father's house to a sorority house to their husband's house, and they are always in serious relationships that last months at a time, she says.
Senior Gauruv Bhattacharyya, who says he has dated a couple of girls at Duke, doesn't think too many women here are looking to get married.
He also said he does not believe either men or women consistently have the power in relationships, as the study suggests.
"I think a lot of hook ups are pretty random on both sides," he says. "There are times when it's unbalanced either way. I don't think there is a specific gender bias."
However, other students did agree men often have the control, at least in terms of whether or not a casual encounter becomes a relationship.
"Girls control the hook up and guys control what happens afterward," senior Dave West says. "Guys are reluctant to pursue [a relationship] further."
Sophomore Genna Watson says guys often are more focused on fraternity life than having a girlfriend.
"A lot of my friends have started dating guys and then two weeks into it, the guys end it by saying they're sorry but they want to be with their brothers," she says.
Senior Scott Grossi says women control whether or not a hook up occurs because men are always interested.
"One hundred percent of the guys that go out are looking to get drunk and hook up, but that's not always going to happen, so in that sense, girls control things," he says.
Although girls may sometimes control how far an encounter goes, they may also feel pressure to do more than they want. Several upperclassmen say these types of situations were more common during freshman year.
"I think it's hard to define sexual assault, especially when you factor in alcohol, but I think there are a lot of times when there is pressure to do things," sophomore Katie Mitchell says. She notes, however, that all situations depend on the individuals involved.
Grossi says he also knows many women who are also interested in sexual encounters with "no strings attached." He and several others attribute the rarity of dating to the prevalence of other priorities for both men and women.
"People are a little self-absorbed and they don't have time for dating," says senior Kevin Kelly. Many women on campus agree.
"In society at large, not just at Duke, I think people are waiting longer to get involved in serious relationships and people are very concerned about their own careers. It's more of a personal focus, so if you don't find the love of your life, you're not interested in dating around," junior Sarah Sacha says.
Sacha says that the lack of an "in-between" status prohibits men and women from meeting and learning about new and different people. "I think that the in-between is really important because by meeting people who are different from yourself ,you get to know different parts of yourself," she says. "I think going through the dating and break-up scene is necessary."
The romantic path from adolescence to marriage is clearly drastically altered from the days during which men and women courted under careful guidelines.
The authors of the study would like see a reversion to more traditional times, but with a modern twist.
They encourage men to take greater initiative in making dating a popular custom again. They also support the development of "socially prescribed rules and norms that are relevant to and appropriate for this generation, and that can guide young people with much sensitivity and support towards the marriages they seek."
Lisker agrees that the environment could be improved, but doesn't see new rules as the solution.
"We as a country do a poor job of teaching our children--male and female--what they need to know to have mature, rewarding, mutually beneficial relationships," she says.
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