Jay Jeffrey had big blue eyes. He loved philosophy and playing tennis. He was friendly and funny and he took the time to appreciate the little things around him.
Jay, 21, also struggled with drug and alcohol addiction for years, and it was that addiction, his father said, that led to his death Sunday.
“There was a wonderful young man trapped inside this disease that ultimately became more powerful than anything else in his life,” said his father, Glenn Jeffrey. “We will miss him every day of our lives.”’
Jay, whose given name was Jonathan, passed away Sunday morning in his Chapel Hill apartment. He was not attending Duke at the time of his death.
Investigators have not yet determined a cause or manner of death for Jay, and his father said a toxicology report will not be ready for four to eight weeks. Glenn said no alcohol or needles were found in Jay’s room Sunday afternoon, but noted that police have told him a drug-related death appears likely.
Glenn said that he and his wife, Linda Jeffrey, want to share the story of Jay’s life in the hopes that it will help others dealing with addiction.
“We believe that he is at peace now and that God has rescued him from his demons, and so we’re just praying for that same kind of peace now that will come to us over time as we work through this,” Glenn said.
A long struggle
Jay started smoking marijuana when he was 15 and gradually began to use harder drugs, keeping his habit secret from his parents. Glenn said Jay had already been assessed for substance abuse by his senior year of high school, when he moved from Minnesota to Chapel Hill to live with his older brother, Justin Jeffrey. Justin is a 31-year-old philosophy professor at Duke.
Jay, Justin and their parents all thought the move would be a positive change. For a while, Jay seemed to be doing better at East Chapel Hill High School, but Jay started using drugs and drinking again toward the end of his senior year, his father said.
Jay’s first semester at Duke was cut short by his addictions, and he went through several drug treatment programs before returning as a freshman for the second time in Fall 2008. This time, he lived in substance-free Brown Residence Hall and grew to love the community.
“He was a very good friend, very dedicated to his friendships,” said sophomore Charlotte Stoute, who became close with Jay when she lived in Brown. “He brought a lot of joy to a lot of people’s lives.”
Jay and Stoute became fast friends in Brown, talking about life and walking around campus together on sunny Sundays.
Stoute said The Beatles’ “Strawberry Fields Forever” reminds her of Jay, as does “California Dreamin'” by The Mamas and the Papas. Stoute noted that both songs are about searching for a place of comfort during difficult times.
“I hope there comes a day when I won’t be teary when I listen to The Beatles or the songs we used to listen to together,” she said. “I would like to think that he’s there, in Strawberry Fields Forever.”
Stoute felt comfortable talking with Jay as soon as she met him, she said. She felt that he could understand her own struggles.
“Its really sad when you see so many good things in a person and you see them struggle with a thing for so long and end up this way,” Stoute said. “It is a very very long struggle and... using is definitely not even near the top 10 things that I think about when I think about Jay. The first things that I think about are his personality, his jokes, his loving nature, how smart he was, my conversations with him. All these things are far more interesting and greater and stronger.”
A family
Jay was studying philosophy and psychology at Duke, in part because he looked up to his brother and in part because he wanted to understand himself.
Discussing philosophy brought Jay and Justin together despite their 10-year age difference.
“We actually talked about philosophy even when he was really young,” Justin said. “He was precocious and academic things came pretty quickly to him.”
They shared their family’s love of tennis and played together frequently. The brothers had a similar witty sense of humor that when they were together led to “nonstop craziness and laughter,” Glenn said.
Jay always enjoyed spending time with his extended family in Minnesota, especially his younger relatives.
“He had a little child inside himself that he was not afraid to let out, and it particularly came out when he was around little children and it was always a delight to see that,” Glenn said.
Glenn added that Jay was a good writer and prepared selections of poetry and interpretations for his one-year-old nephew Sky. He said the pieces showed Jay’s insightfulness and intellect, as well as his tenderness toward his nephew.
“Even though Jay was lost in so many ways himself, he wanted to share whatever he was learning and had learned about life with his little nephew,” Glenn said.
‘He will truly be missed’
After relapsing in the Spring of 2009 just before final exams, Jay entered still more treatment programs and hoped to return to Duke in the Fall. But he did not come back to Durham until 2010, briefly residing in Crowell Quadrangle before leaving the University again. When Jay left Duke, he relapsed and spent a week at Duke University Hospital, his father said.
Soon after, Jay moved to Chapel Hill, close to his brother and to an outpatient drug treatment program at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Glenn said Jay had just begun the program at UNC’s Bowles Center for Alcohol Studies when he passed away.
During his last weeks in Chapel Hill, Jay became close with his new roommates, Shanaye Barber and Naquita Yellock. He cooked frequently, and always offered food to his roommates, Barber said.
“He would just want people to be happy, that’s what he wanted,” Barber said. “He will truly be missed. I mean, he was a great guy, an awesome person.”
Jay’s brother Justin stopped by the townhouse often on his way to Duke or back from teaching, and all four would play Wii together, Justin said.
Jay did not have a car, so Justin would take him shopping—a trip to Harris Teeter for groceries last Friday was the last time Justin saw his brother.
Jay had recently started on a health food kick and bought a lot of chicken and other ingredients, Justin said. Jay was trying to develop his cooking hobby and come up with new recipes.
That Sunday, Yellock called Justin to the townhouse because Jay’s alarm clock was sounding, he hadn’t gotten up and she could not open his door. Justin tried to force the door open with a card and a screwdriver—when he could not, he and Yellock decided to call the police.
At 12:49 p.m. that day, Chapel Hill police forced open the door to Jay’s room and discovered his body. When Justin heard the police say “dead on arrival,” he went into shock and had to sit down, he said. And then he had to call his father.
“My first reaction was just to question, ‘Are you sure, are you sure, are you sure?’ And then you know, you’re just overcome with grief,” Glenn recalled.
Glenn said his family tried hard to help Jay with his substance abuse problems over the past five years. He said he appreciates the efforts of the administrators and deans at Duke who reached out to Jay and gave him so many second chances.
“We tried everything we knew, you know, we tried everything we knew. We surrounded him with every resource we knew,” Glenn said. “But at the end of the day, you just want him to know that he was deeply loved.”
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.