Changing the conversation

“Why does she stay?” is a question outsiders ask continuously regarding domestic violence. The situation may seem black and white to many. If someone in an abusive relationship, then the abused person should leave. However, the case of domestic violence is not as simple as some try to make it. The question “Why does she stay?” is part of the conversation of domestic violence, though there are many levels within it, but there’s another side: why does a man abuse a woman he claims to love?

When searching for domestic violence statistics, there will be thousands of results; however, many cases of domestic violence go unreported. One prominent domestic violence statistic is 1 out of 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime. Although the amount of women experiencing domestic violence could be much higher, since 70 percent of domestic violence cases go unreported. Women between the ages of 20 and 24 are at the greatest risk of experiencing domestic violence. 38,020,000 women have experienced physical partner violence in their lifetimes. 8,000,000 days of paid work is lost annually because of their partners abusing them. 1 out of 3 female homicide victims are murdered by their current or former partner. Besides the physical assault, there are consequences that come with domestic violence including depression, anxiety, emotional distress and poor health.

So why do women risk so much of their well-being to be with a man who harms them? In some cases, women grow up in an abusive environment. Because this is what they have lived through since birth, this is what they might consider acceptable. Another possibility is that women are forced to take on low self-esteem. They might justify their abuse by believing they deserve it, because their abusive partner is causing a false perception with their dominance. 

There is also the fear of being alone. A woman might stay because the abuse occurs deep into a relationship, and she might have already committed her love to a partner. She might think it a temporary situation and that there will change. A woman may also stay because she is simply afraid of her partner. 

Women might also stay because they are financially dependent on their partner, especially in the cases in which women have kids with the man. 98 percent of financial abuse occurs in all domestic violence cases. In fact, the number one reason domestic violence victims stay in abusive relationships is because they are financially dependent on their abuser.

Domestic violence is not only frequent in the U.S. but also in other nations as well. 70 percent of women worldwide will experience physical or sexual abuse by a partner during their lives. Making more resources known to domestic violence survivors, and changing the conversations about domestic violence victims is essential to the solution.

Men who abuse usually have a history of violence. They tend to commit more crimes, have lower levels of education, be more introverted and less conscientious than the average American man. Men who abuse may have had troubled relationships with other women, including their mothers. Abusers may also have been bullied, depressed or isolated. This still doesn't make it okay.

Encouraging victims of domestic abuse to speak up can help us, their supports, to build self-esteem and courage; however, there must be solutions from preventing domestic violence from occurring in the first place. Having workshops, activities and classes that teach men from a very young age what it means to be a well-intentioned, respectful man is important. This should especially be prominent in areas with high rates of violence. 

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