The conservative’s guide to being liberal-approved™ at Duke
Congratulations! As a conservative at Duke, you are Privileged™.* Unlike the majority of students, you will learn how to engage constructively (not to be confused with Enrage™) with an opposing argument. You will often be frustrated because your attempts to Advocate™ for Marginalized™ communities will be Silenced™ by those who do not respect minority ideas. However, you will learn that, while approaches like mandating Implicit Bias Training™ for all students (to recognize bias against conservatives) and creating identity affinity housing (a Safe Space™ where conservatives can be around like-minded students) seem tempting, they will only create a more divisive community in which Ignorance™ about conservative ideology perpetuates itself. In order to become accepted by liberals, you can neither DEMAND™ their understanding nor can you disengage them by publishing an Un-UnChronicled™. Your only hope is to be Liberal-Approved™.