Oh look. It's the perfect opportunity to join the most amazing cult—I mean, community—ever to exist on this wonderful campus. So what's stopping ya?!
Welcome to Duke, my Fresh Piles of Dirt! There are many reasons why I shouldn’t like spring. My nose tickles with the sharp acidity of processed manure, commonly known as MiracleGro. I’ve practically gained a five-head from the way my midterms have stretched my silly little brain. And my sleep debt has accumulated so much that if I don’t pay special attention, I start drooling a bit from the corner of my mouth. But despite all this, spring is my favorite season of the year. You wanna know why? Because YOU all just got accepted to the BEST PLACE EVER!!!!!!!!! Heaven is where the Blue Devils roam. And I’m literally peeing my pants with sheer excitement to meet you all. <3
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
But first, allow me to be the town crier and fill you in on some recent happenings:
Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie…
And the numbers at Duke don’t, either. I’ve been told that the higher powers at admission this year have accepted only 6% of applicants overall. My dear 27-ers, do you feel special yet? You should. Here, take this five dollar bill and go get yourself an ice cream. YOU DESERVE IT. And while you’re licking up some vanilla, go ahead and meet the ones who came before you. They’ll be around in the fall for you to pester <3.
We Don’t Talk About Bruno
Every family has a Bruno. You know, that one topic they don’t talk about at the dinner table. But Duke? Duke has no Bruno. Get ready to talk about anything and everything under the sun—INCLUDING POLITICS. To arm you with some talking points, allow me to share this piece of breaking news: Republicans have re-secured a supermajority in North Carolina after Representative Tricia Cotham changed her party affiliation. Now how do you feel about it? That’s for you and your friends to hash out.
Dukie Girlies Slay the UN
That’s not just a quippy title. That’s the truth. First-year student Luna Abadia, long-time member of the Youth Advisory Board of Plan International USA, was appointed to speak as a delegate at the UN Commission on Status of Women. She used her time to address the issue of harassment on social media. And senior Mia Miranda, a Baldwin Scholar, presented her research on reproductive health and sexual health literacy. She discussed novel strategies to ending gender disparity. Listen, y’all: we walk among CHANGEMAKERS.
WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW
“It’s All Greek to Me!” Said nobody EVER, thanks to my handy dandy dictionary of Duke lingo. Fun fact: the founder of Duolingo is a Duke alum. Don’t be surprised if I come out with an app called Trilingo—I’m clearly following in his footsteps. #DukeDifference
WU (pronounced WOO) = West Union
BC = Bryan Center (not to be confused with the Brodhead Center, which is just WU)
Flunch = the best way to ask your professor out to lunch and get free food for you both
Roll Loop = Go to The Loop, a diner in BC that makes absolute S-tier milkshakes
QuadEx = the new housing system that creates house-specific communities across East and West Campus (think: Hogwarts if you're the magic type, Yale if you're the boring type)
Experiential Orientation Programs = the new orientation process where every freshman this year was placed into a program that resembled Pre-Os of the past
Pre-O = pre-orientation programs organized around specific themes in which some upperclassmen had participated when they were freshmen; now obsolete. Womp womp.
HIDDEN GEMS OF DUKE
Listen, I’ve wandered the streets of this old Gothic town for four years now. I know it better than I know my best friend’s birthday. And since I like you so much, I’ll let you in on all the secrets.
Surprise Study Spot: The Student Wellness Center
If you only go here when you’re sick, then I’m sending you my condolences in more ways than one. This place is a glass castle. Natural light floods the space. Everywhere you turn, there’s either a plant or a plant-adjacent object. The desks attach to big, soft benches that create your own personal cubicle. There’s always someone playing the grand piano, filling the air with music I feel like I should’ve paid to hear. And when you’re done studying, you can make your way to the meditation garden at the back. THEY HAVE SPINNY EGG CHAIRS.
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Surprise Napping Spot: Perkins Oasis
This place has saved my life again and again. It has a dedicated napping corner, complete with a room divider, a thick mat, and multiple pillows. On days so desperate I can’t even make it back to my room, I just head on over to the third floor of Perkins and—SNORE!—fall right asleep in this quiet nook of peace and bliss.
Surprise Secret Menu: Strawberry Matcha at Bella Union
Matcha latte with oat milk and a couple pumps of strawberry syrup? YUUUUUUUM.
Surprise Fancy Food: Commons
Yeah, most people know about Nasher brunch—but do you know about COMMONS BRUNCH? OR LUNCH? OR DINNER? Located on the third floor of WU (if you’re confused, go back to the Trilingo dictionary), Commons serves some real high-end fare. I almost expect the food to come out on those tiny plates. And no one is sponsoring me to say this. It really is just that impressive.
Surprise Fun: Duke Coffeehouse
Psychedelic alternative would be the way I describe the vibe. Like an underground gathering place for hipsters. And with the sheer number of concerts that happen there, it’s basically a small venue for indie artists. The place stays open super late, and people are always just hanging out. Or dancing. It’s a good time. Plus, they have free tea, coffee, and snacks…
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