Dear first-year me

Today is the day you go back to the convention center for the second half of recruitment. The past week hasn’t been easy. Last weekend you tried your hardest to make “business casual” look good. You met so many women in so many different chapters and talked about a lot of interesting things. The two sororities that dropped you were not ones you wanted anyways, so you’re feeling good about the whole process.

This week you did everything you thought you were supposed to do. You went to more date functions and semis than you ever have in an attempt to show the chapter women that you are fun and social. Sure your grades and your sleep have been neglected, but you think it’s worth it if it means you’ll get in your top choice sorority. First-year me, you are so happy right now and so excited for what’s to come—I hate to do this, but I want you to know what’s coming.

Today you’re going to get a piece of paper from your gamma chi, and you’re going to see that the sorority that you wanted has dropped you. You’re going to be so upset and start doubting yourself. You’re going to go so far as to ask, “am I not pretty enough?” or “is it because I wasn’t wearing the right clothes?” You’re going to think of the girls you know in that sorority and wonder if they actually don’t like you despite what they said, not realizing that they only have one vote. You’re going to see your friends go back to that room, and you’ll wonder what they have that you don’t. You’re going to want to cry, but you can’t because you spent so much time on your makeup.

Tomorrow will be even harder. You will be called back to a sorority you really want, a sorority that you’d be happy with and a sorority you absolutely don’t want. Tomorrow you will actually cry, makeup be damned, because you’re terrified you’re going to end up in a sorority that other girls would love to be in, but you’re scared you can’t keep up and the girls will hate you if you don’t choose them. Your gamma chi is going to tell you to be honest with the girls, so you will. You’ll tell the sorority you love that you want to join them, and the one you don’t want that you don’t see yourself here. You will see the looks the girls give you—despite the different news, the reaction is the same look of polite pity. You won’t understand why until bid day, when you’ll learn you didn’t get a bid to the sorority you wanted. So you’ll keep your recruitment mindset—you will continue to fake a happy face, you’ll smile in the bid day pictures and then you’ll go back to your dorm and cry.

First-year me, I know you can’t wait to be where I am now—in a sorority, with your sisters, being the deciders instead of the decidees. But, first-year me, being where I am now means going to the bathroom and passing a PNM crying about how her top choice dropped her and not being able to do anything about it. It means girls thinking you don’t like them because the sorority dropped them and you not being to explain how you’re only one vote. It means that you will be making other beautiful, strong women feel the way you will feel this weekend.

So, first-year me, I leave you with this—no matter what letters you end up wearing, they do not define you. Every sorority may have its reputation, but when you join one, you get to decide what that reputation is. You are going to be part of that group for the next four years, and instead of changing to fit in, challenge the group to include you for you. If you do, I promise you you’ll end up with something that makes it all worth it.

Love,

Present-Day Me