Celebrate... While You still can

I wasn't a morning person back then. I took too long in the shower thinking about my job interview the next day, and I got out to a waiting Drew Everson who naturally chastised me for being too focused on my appearance. Instinctively, I responded by making fun of him for using John Frieda Sheer Blonde shampoo. He laughed and told me that I'd kill my interview. I said thanks, and that was that.

This was the last interaction I ever had with my best friend.

My name is Patrick Rutter, and I lost Drew Everson, my best friend and roommate, five years ago today at Duke University. Five years. I ended up getting that job, and I never had the chance to tell him, even though I feel like I owe him a thank you due to his help preparing me for it. The passage of time is hard to comprehend but the stark reality of it is impossible to ignore today. Since his death, his friends and I have graduated, moved to new cities, moved away from those cities, had relationships, broken them off, gotten engaged, gotten married (one earlier this month!), switched jobs, pursued dreams, made new friends and re-membered. I use a hyphen between "re" and "membered" is a nod to the Rev. Dr. Sam Well's sermon at Drew's Memorial Service, who told us all that day that even though Drew had burst out of life, we could and should "re-member."

I consider myself extremely lucky because I had the privilege of living and interacting with Drew at Duke, and I recognize that none of you undergrads reading this ever had that privilege. And my, oh my, what a privilege it was. "Viking Guy" was perpetually wearing a smile along with a ridiculous play-doh keychain that always hung from his designer jeans, and he was more than happy to greet friend and stranger alike with a hearty greeting and a slap on the back. His smile, and goofiness, was infectious; he was a part of the Inside Joke comedy group where he offered up new takes on the hip songs of the time, such as an "I'm on a Broom" Harry Potter parody of "I'm on a Boat" and showcased his truly awful singing ability when he ruined my favorite Usher song (in a parody inexplicably about $5 foot-longs). In the original Chronicle remembrance I wrote in 2010, I mentioned that due to the decibel count and recurring nature of his laugh I believed I would become hard of hearing in the coming years. However, it's the silence of the last five years that haunts me more than any impact on my hearing. While Drew certainly was one of a kind, I think all of us at one point in our lives have known someone like Drew, someone so overtly positive and so full of life that it is a cool slap to the face, indeed, an affront, that he is no longer with us.

Over the past five years, many of our friends adapted a line from his last Chronicle op-ed (which I encourage you all to read) in his remembrance—"whatever you do, don't ever, ever take life too seriously." It is a simple yet effective line that conveys the essence of Drew's philosophy on life—it represents someone so bursting of life that no one thing would ever, or could ever, bring him down. After all, isn't life more than just DSG, Duke Debate, Psy11 or cheerleading? Drew never took life too seriously (he used John Frieda Sheer Blonde Shampoo for crying out loud!). So why should we? Those who knew Drew appreciated his refreshing view on life, and many of us took it to heart. Or to the hair, as today also marks the fifth anniversary of my daily use of John Frieda Sheer Blonde Shampoo (which, thanks to Drew, I now just publicly admitted for the first time). However, it's beyond the shampoo; it's the thought of sharing something in common with someone we love. I have learned in the past five years that what defines us is the relationships that we build and that we are only as good as the companions we choose to lift us up when we are down and to celebrate with us when we succeed.

After five years of reflection, and all of the subsequent sadness and happiness, love and heartbreak, successes and failures since then, I'd like to add one more line to our favorite Drew-ism: "Don't you ever, ever take life too seriously and don't you dare ever, ever take it for granted." Indeed, one of Drew's favorite quotes in his last Chronicle op-ed hints at this; Drew cited the New Yorker Magazine writer Brendan Gill who stated in 1975 that "not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the argument that life is serious." What a cold irony that Drew left out the next part of Gill's sentence, which read "though it is often hard and even terrible." Because it can be — but Drew's spirit is telling us EXACTLY what we need to do to live our lives with the glass half full and be able to drink it too.

So what can we learn from Drew? How can we "re-member"? And how can you, a member of the Duke community reading this who may have never heard of Drew before five minutes ago, come away from this column any better than when you first picked it up? It's quite easy; find your own Sheer Blonde to share with a loved one. What it is frankly doesn't matter—it can be sharing in a love for Duke Volleyball, Chipotle, WoW, Bud Light(s), books, coffee, instagramming yellow bugs — anything. Because when time's up, it's up. And sometimes it isn't at graduation—Drew and I never got there. Life's darker side can encroach even in the best and most carefree years of life—college. So cherish what makes you different (or similar) by cherishing it with someone special. After five years, I believe I've found my voice to say that when a community, especially one that you actively contribute to, can galvanize itself around any one activity or shared passion, it can be what saves you... and everyone else.

In loving memory,