The fourth cup of coffee

Before campus was filled with the new semester mantra of “how was your summer?”, the tranquility of a deserted Duke was disrupted by the laughs of eight to ten year old girls. I had an atypical O-Week; I spent it volunteering at the FEMMES summer camp, which is dedicated to fostering an interest in science, math and engineering in young girls. As entertaining as they were, boy, do they have an excess of energy. If we weren’t constantly moving around or amusing them in some way, the cries of “I’m bored” were widespread. So naturally, I showed up to camp each morning with an iced latte from Joe Van Gough to try to even out the playing field and keep up with my rambunctious campers. While one eight year-old struggled to pronounce “latte,” the others began interrogating me on my caffeine consuming habits. “How many coffees a day do you drink at school? One? Two?” “Yeah, usually one or two is enough,” I replied. Lies. Three tends to be the average number I gravitate towards as the semester drags on. Sometimes four if it’s a particularly rough week. “Too much caffeine is bad for you,” another nine year-old warned me. I secretly panicked. I hope they can’t tell I’m lying. But sure enough, within a minute, the conversation had deviated towards the need for playgrounds on Duke’s campus (seriously).

To be honest, I’m not quite sure why that exchange bothered me so much. Cups of coffee are intertwined in our lives as college students more seamlessly than you would think. They provide a much needed artificial source of alertness while also naturally promoting conversation through coffee breaks, interviews, even waiting in the long line in Vondy right before midnight hits; all these conversations flow hand-in-hand with a desire for caffeine. Although I know my own coffee consuming habits may seem unreasonable to some, was I really that embarrassed by them? Was it shameful to admit that sometimes I did need that fourth cup to help me get through the day or finish that assignment? It isn’t really, yet I still struggled to admit to my campers, and maybe even to myself, that I do have my own weaknesses, caffeine-related or not. I learned to recognize that greater awareness of my vulnerability, needing an extra boost in the form of a cup of coffee, isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

The more I thought about it, I started to realize that the days I needed that extra boost, tended to be linked to “strong” memories. There have been the days I’ve braved Perkins until early morning, determined to finish a paper or study just a bit more, and felt relieved when I finally finished. Or the times I didn’t even realize it was already 6:00 AM because I was so immersed in conversations with a friend. Or even the nights when dancing on the Shooters bar seemed to be the only course of action. Those have easily been some of my best and worst nights at Duke but equally important parts of my time here.

Maybe I find it hard to be ashamed of my coffee drinking habits because I associate that fourth cup of coffee and those long nights with a sense of vulnerability between my classmates and myself. Have you ever looked up at the people sitting near you in Perkins late at night? Catching each other’s sleepy eyes and uncontrollable yawns can almost be an intimate exchange, exposing a more honest image. Yet there seems to be some mutual unspoken understanding that, although we may be at our worst, a sense of camaraderie exists. Even later in the night, haven’t you felt calmer, more open to sharing and disclosing tidbits of yourself you usually hide to friends? Or even strangers? It’s as if with the cover of the night, we all let our guards down, inducing a powerful honesty.

That vulnerability, the genuineness that I find associated with my over-caffeinated experiences, is the same interactions that Peer for You strives to promote on campus. This year, Peer for You peer responders, current undergraduate students from diverse walks of Duke life, will be contributing to this column in the hopes of sharing some of their own experiences and sparking further conversations on wellbeing and important campus issues. More specifically, Peer for You is a student-run resource that serves as a forum for undergraduate students during challenging times. Any Duke student can message a peer responder through our website describing a struggle they are currently facing and receive a response within 24 hours. In this way, Peer for You hopes to foster a more supportive Duke environment by encouraging students to be more open with themselves and each other, exposing some hints of vulnerability that might not otherwise be seen. So grab a cup of coffee, or four, and join us as we open up.

Christine Nuñez is a Trinity senior. This column is the first installment in a semester-long series of biweekly Thursday columns written by members of Peer for You.