Racy dating

At Duke, I often hear phrases like, “I’m just not attracted to Indian women” or “I don’t find black men attractive,” coming from people of different races. A disclaimer nearly always follows these phrases: “I would date somebody who looks like that, but I can’t see it because I’m simply not attracted to him/her.” I used to think these comments were just outliers, and I assumed that people at Duke were progressive when it came to interracial relationships. My own experiences caused me to start questioning just how good race relations are here.

Last year, a black friend of mine asked a white friend to a semi-formal, and was disappointed when she said she couldn’t go. More upsetting was that it wasn’t because of a scheduling conflict, but because her parents don’t want her to “date black guys.” My thoughts: One, you are an adult. Think for yourself. Two, are you serious? We love to say Duke is a place where we celebrate diversity, where many different racial groups come together, but I would venture to say that there is a line that many people don’t dare to cross. The question arises: Are we comfortable being more than friends with people of other races?

The more I reflect upon both this incident and the previously mentioned disclaimer, the more I believe both positions are equally offensive. To say that you are not attracted to Asian women, for example, is a blanket statement. Can you really not find one single attractive Asian woman in the whole world? I’m pretty sure all you need to do is stop looking through your lens of preconceptions of what an attractive person looks like, and you might just find one. You might even find yourself dating someone who doesn’t have the same skin color as you or your parents.

You might say, “It’s not like I’m racist or anything, I just don’t find them attractive,” but are you sure you do not harbor some racial biases or stereotypes? One person says I won’t date you because you’re black, and another says I am not attracted to you because you are black. Are these two statements really so different? The former statement openly opposes race-mixing, although the latter stance suggests that it is impossible for one to consider a particular race attractive. In both cases, a separation is made solely on the basis of the race or color of a person that constructs a barrier to romantic engagements with people of this race. The verbiage is certainly tamer than it was in the ’60s, but its cause is ultimately the same. Anti-interracial relationship sentiments are simply symptoms of racism. Whether these ideas are vocalized or merely acted upon, deep down there is a feeling of superiority or a fear of associating with other races beyond a certain point. This is not a natural fear, so we ought to examine ourselves to determine why we have such trepidations and act to get rid of them.

At Duke there are a handful of mixed race students, making the student population an accurate representation of national demographics. Between the 2000 and 2010 census, the mixed race population grew by 35 percent. Almost 2.5 percent of the U.S. population identified as mixed race in 2010. North Carolina, in particular, stood out with the near doubling of its mixed race population over 10 years. The mixed race population growth does point to an increase in the number of people who dare to move beyond social norms and cultural differences to enter into interracial relationships, but these relationships are still an anomaly. Even in places that have seen significant growth in the mixed race population, like Mississippi, people complain that racial tensions are a big deterrent to interracial dating. So what stops us from giving interracial dating a chance?

The person who openly says, “I don’t want to date ____ people,” at least seems honest. Those who attempt to mask their true feelings in politically correct rhetoric do the same damage and fool themselves into a moral superiority. Same race as well as interracial relationships are great, but we should not feel obliged to choose one over the other. Although it is true that there are cultural differences that have the potential to make things difficult in an interracial relationship, the problem I am troubled by is the narrow mindset that prevents people from even starting one. If we can dismiss someone’s attractiveness based solely on his or her race or skin color, then can we declare ourselves free of racism? We can continue in denial, claiming we have transcended racist tendencies, and only associate with those who look like us. We can gasp in shock that someone else would dare say they don’t want to date someone because of their color. We can feel free to show our disdain at their offensive words, but we must also ask ourselves—are we really so much better?

Caleb Duncanson is a Pratt senior. His column runs every other Friday. Follow Caleb on Twitter @CMDuncanson