bcontrat: Hey classy girl. Let’s talk about f****ing romance. And not be annoying about it. But hang some of our angsty dirty lingerie out to air, ya dig?
classyjane: Totally betch. I’m too busy for love. The most action I get is when I bite my cheek after someone pisses me off.
bcontrat: I don’t have time for love but I have time to make myself more easy to love. Exercise, subtle use of hair product, etc.
classyjane: As I stuff my face with bin candy.
bcontrat: I was repressed—no soda, no video games, rarely any candy growing up. Mom still sends candy for Valentine’s day though. I mostly never eat it.
classyjane: Are you Mormon? I heard Mitt Romney doesn’t eat candy or drink soda either.
bcontrat: Dad’s family was Mormon, Mom’s was Catholic. Hybrid was evangelical Christian. Mom prays in tongues.
classyjane: I’m playing around with PickyU, the new date matching site. Am I obligated to pick the guy on Chronicle staff even if his sexuality is questionable?
bcontrat: Read this quote for my class on The Wire—“The temporary contract is in practice supplanting permanent institutions in the professional, emotional, sexual, cultural, family and international domains, as well in political affairs.” I used to use Grindr.
classyjane: Love The Wire. I’ve had Season 1 in my backpack for 5 weeks. Haven’t opened it. One of my friends said he sees his professors on Grindr, which is scary, but hey, apparently Duke gay boys suck. #MeTooMonologues
bcontrat: Hard to say. I was kinda dumped last week? Not even by a boyfriend. Still. Made me feel bad inside, etc.
classyjane: Before V-Day?!?!
bcontrat: Mmmhmmm. Spent it with a best friend, and two girlfriends who are girlfriends. That’s the sexiest healthiest relationship I’ve seen.
classyjane: That seems so rare at Duke—almost every couple sickens me by how much they shove their couple-ness down everyone’s throats.
bcontrat: But I saw a lot of sad looking people carrying bouquets, and it made me happy to think that even if they weren’t necessarily succeeding, they were still trying, ya know? Here’s how I saw monogamous relationships like a year ago: a manically repetitive compromise, a social contract, a complex, tedious way to go about having an orgasm. Romance is boring. Dating is over. I’m so modern. Then it’s like, “I can’t just make myself a quesadilla at 3 p.m. and feel good about it. Who is going to share my quesadilla?” It’s really mundane and needy but that’s how it goes.
classyjane: Who are you going to dance with in public?
bcontrat: Exactly. PDA is the point and the counter-point. Because it’s like two self-gratifying solipsistic sticky dripping sexual beasts come into contact and at some point reach some reciprocal harmony and BAM. That’s exciting. I’ll graduate and have a degree in public policy studies in like three months. But not the American college relationship dream.
classyjane: omgomg. I’m a closeted PubPol major too. Srsly.
bcontrat: BAM. Let’s makeout.
classyjane: Done.
—Brian Contratto and Anna Koelsch
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