If you could go back to freshman year, what would you do differently?
In March of 2009, a co-facilitator and I stood on the stage in White Lecture Hall and posed this exact question to a panel of seven seniors, members of the Class of 2009. Titled “What I Wish I Knew Freshman Year,” this Center for Race Relations event gave the panelists a chance to speak honestly about their social experiences at Duke over the past four years.
The event’s unspoken theme was “Transcending Boundaries,” a fitting tagline for the questions we threw out: How would you describe the Duke social scene, and what boundaries do you perceive to exist within it? Have you personally transcended them? How have your gender and your race affected your social experiences on campus?
The seniors shared stories with the underclassmen in the audience. They began by collectively acknowledging the existence of very real divisions on campus. As the discussion progressed, it became clear that each individual had different assessments of how these boundaries had impacted their ability to develop deep and meaningful relationships with other Dukies.
The panelists talked about how some of their most memorable and cherished social experiences were the result of crossing borders and taking risks in their personal lives. A gay man spoke openly about his sexuality and how it had impacted some of his male friendships. A white girl in a sorority raved about having the time of her life at parties hosted by black fraternities. A faithful Christian revealed his ongoing struggle to live out his beliefs on a sometimes unforgiving campus. The women talked about how truly difficult it can be to be female at Duke. Respected student leaders confided that it took years for them to finally feel comfortable socially on campus—in the opinion of one girl, “not until second semester junior year.”
In giving the above examples, I do not intend to paint a simplistic picture of the identity of the panelists and their experiences across four years. For the purposes of the event, the other event organizers and I had made an intentional effort to create a demographically diverse panel; we also took care to select panelists who were respected within their class and in their individual communities. But in reality, the panelists could have been almost anyone, any upperclassman, and had insightful thoughts to share.
At the beginning of this year, the CRR repeated this event in more intimate settings, and similar themes surfaced: form a community for yourself; don’t be afraid to create strong relationships with upperclassmen; don’t feel as if you have to try to be friends with everyone (indeed, don’t feel as if you have to do everything on campus); and know that your peers are going through similar social struggles as you. One of Duke’s dark secrets is that it sometimes pulls you down more than it lifts you up, but social life at Duke can also be a source of enormous growth and self-discovery.
I could tell that the seniors were not just methodically dispensing advice; they were actively reflecting and genuinely wanted to help the freshmen. Several told me afterward that they enjoyed the evening because it allowed them the rare chance to reflect on and articulate their experiences; indeed, when was the last time you sat down by yourself—perhaps with a journal and a hot cup of tea—and thought about how to be more deliberate in your choices at Duke, socially and otherwise?
Forums for this type of honest reflection are often lacking at Duke, but luckily, these conversations don’t have to take place in the context of structured events. Rather, the best ones are spontaneous and occur with people we trust. For example, I spent this past weekend on a road trip with recent graduates, and asked them what they wish they’d known senior year.
They told me that, separated from the communities they cultivated at Duke, whatever insecurities they had in college are magnified in real life. Whether adjusting to graduate school, to an independent lifestyle in a new city or to a new job, the 20s are a time of limbo and a period in which one must come to terms with oneself. In our society of late marriages and shifting career paths, intimate friendships become more important and play a larger role in shaping the people we will become.
As seniors, we sometimes feel as if we are supposed to have everything down pat and be completely comfortable with ourselves. After all, we have had four years at Duke—plenty of time to figure out all the answers. Second semester is all about fun: weekly Sati’s hangouts, seniors-only events, off-campus dinner parties and bucket lists.
This weekend reminded me that even seniors need mentors. As seniors, we may feel more at ease on campus, and are even approached by underclassmen for advice.
But that doesn’t mean we no longer need advice. We are not done figuring out who we are and what we want in the world.
Ying-Ying Lu is a Trinity senior. Her column runs every other Thursday.
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