With the backdrop of a disastrous war and a spiraling recession that is making every econ major soil their pants (my condolences to anyone with an offer from Bear Sterns), the general population of our great U.S.-of-A needs a wonderful story to keep its ridiculously simple mind occupied.
Thank God for Eliot Spitzer and his mischievous loins.
For those of you who have had your heads buried in the sand during the last week or so (engineering majors?), let me do a quick recap-it's quite an enjoyable story.
In 2006, Spitzer was elected to the governor's mansion in Albany after eight years fighting corruption on Wall Street and organized crime of all sorts-prostitution included. Last week he was arrested after arranging a $5,000 meeting with an escort named "Kristen," aka the now famous Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Although Spitzer promptly resigned in the shame of his laughable hypocrisy, his sexually industrious friend has been riding his recklessness straight to ministardom.
First came a steamy little spread in the New York Post somewhat (although not in any way completely) explaining the exorbitant price tag for her "services"-which I'm hoping included some dirty freaky exotic stuff. Then she released some mediocre pop songs and revealed that she is, and has always been, a true musician at heart. This was promptly followed by a $1 million offer from Hustler Magazine's Larry Flynt to pose nude.
And finally the kicker-and my personal favorite revelation-Joe Francis of "Girls Gone Wild" fame (and general douchebaggery) discovered that he in fact has a substantial stockpile of Ms. Dupre engaging in "girl-on-girl and nude" action from way back in 2003. As if to add insult to injury, Francis went on to state that he is "glad [he] got to her before Spitzer did-she looked a lot better at 18."
Ouch.
The absurdity of the entire situation is crowned by the statements made by Spitzer's replacement as governor of New York, David Paterson, that he had engaged in extramarital affairs in the past. Whether or not the unidentified partner was a hooker (which given the circumstances is likely) is of little consequence.
All sex is paid for. Whether it's in dinner dates and presents or emotional dollars, lunch is not the only activity that you can't get for free. Prostitutes just cut through all that BS and get straight to the point. And damn, if you looked like Ashley and probably netted more money than any five Duke graduates will make in their first years combined, why not?
(Back-of-the-envelope calculation: $5,000 per sesh x 4 per week x 45 weeks per year = a cool 900 G's)
Wait, oh yes, prostitution is still illegal. Sort of. There is no law against buying someone's time and valuable companionship, sexual activity is simply a voluntary and spontaneous act of mutual attraction (wink wink).
In all seriousness, keeping the world's oldest profession illegal does nothing but promote human trafficking, sexual slavery and occasionally bring down the career of a hypocritical crusader.
Speaking of which, I can't help but find Spitzer's disgraceful fall from his white horse amusing. If there is one thing that history has taught me it is to be wary of anyone on a "crusade." In almost every instance, aggressive moral enforcement is a smokescreen for some sort of hidden personal agenda or vice (see Mark Foley and Larry Craig). In Spitzer's case, one of the dragons slain by his sword came back to swallow his political career up whole. Irony is a beautiful thing.
What's more, this latest saga into America's obsession with entering the sex lives of the famous is just the most recent example of an odd twist in gender hypocrisy. While men are usually congratulated or admired for sexual conquest, females are shamefully branded as "sluts" or damaged goods. However, it seems that in our Internet-fueled generation, famously promiscuous women such as Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and our latest celeb-slut Ashley Dupre have proved that if you are hot enough you can transcend the outdated mode of thought that outlaws prostitution and obtain fame, money and even a perverse bit of glory. Meanwhile, their male counterparts are now being burned at the stake.
The real question is why the private sexual lives of our elected officials are even our business in the first place.
Wait, I know the answer. Without crap like this, we would all still be talking about our weakening dollar, failing economy and, oh yeah, that quagmire over in the Middle East.
Dan Belzer is a Trinity senior. His column runs every Thursday.
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