It was just after a quarter past four in the afternoon a couple Sundays ago and I was sitting on my back patio with a good friend of mine-a fellow senior. As we allowed our minds to wind down at the close of another fun-filled weekend, our conversation drifted toward the usual post-marathon banter. Namely, booze, drugs and sex.
After I finished recounting what I could remember of some story about some drunk girl at some bar, he posed a novel question: "Dude, can you imagine what Duke would be like without alcohol?"
I responded without flinching: "I don't know how anybody would get laid."
Although I meant it as a joke, I can't help but feel that there is a degree of truth to my statement. Granted, alcohol plays a variety of roles in the lives of Duke students-as a means of socializing, distraction and entertainment-it's most irreplaceable and prominent function is as the main social lubricant that keeps our "culture" running smoothly.
Think of it as liquid confidence-a wonderful substance that allows us to justify our questionable moral decisions regarding the opposite sex. More importantly, it gives everyone something to blame for the decisions they are too insecure to admit they wanted to make in the first place.
Contrary to popular notions, men too are taken advantage of and used for sex (call me?).
Maybe that's why I've never subscribed to the whole argument about how it's wrong for a drunk male to "hook up" with an equally intoxicated female. We are big boys and girls now, and drunk encounters are a two-way street.
Moreover, consciously boozing face is a deliberate effort to lower one's inhibitions. Meaning, when we take that drink, we are knowingly putting ourselves in a position to make a "bad decision," and thereby accepting responsibility for what is to come.
What's that? You conveniently blacked out those two hours where you were naked, hooking up in a bathroom. Cool.
Did you get that 2 a.m. text message? No? Good, I never sent it.
So what would happen if we took away the crucial inhibitor, the substance that loosens our uptight, prude and insecure selves enough to morph us into swinging collegiate superstars? Would Duke suddenly transform into a near-abstinent neighborhood, where the only people getting any were the ones bold enough to actually ask someone out on a date?
I'm not sure if I have an answer. A part of me believes that without a desensitizing potion that clouds judgment and allows us to temporarily forget that actions have consequences, this university's social landscape would be radically altered.
On the other hand, I have trouble attributing the nature of our sexual behavior solely to the presence of an enabling agent. Plenty of schools share a similar drinking "problem," yet lack the same aversion to monogamy and relationships.
The truth is, it's something else. Our "campus culture" is not the result of an obsession with alcohol abuse, nor would it necessarily undergo a dramatic revolution. Sure, we'd probably date a little more, cheat a little less and think a little harder about the consequences of our actions. However, as long as we have a competitive and hierarchical social structure driven predominantly by money and looks, sex will always be treated by many as a means of acquiring and promoting status.
There is a reason we all chose Duke over the UNCs, UCLAs and UVas of the world. We strive to be the best, and we want everyone to know and acknowledge it.
And that, kids, is the engine. Alcohol is just the industrial-grade motor oil.
Dan Belzer is a Trinity senior. His column runs every other Thursday.
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