I have a problem. It's something that I've struggled with since freshman year, and it still plagues me from time to time three years later. While I was ashamed to acknowledge publicly my disorder in the past, I feel that before I leave Duke I should come clean and face my demons.
With that said: Hi, my name is Michael and I am an awkward greeter.
You know when you are walking to class and see someone in the distance, someone you kind of know but don't? What do you do? Should you wave and give a hearty hello? Ah, but if you do that you run the risk of not having your hello returned; this would leave you with your mouth open in mid-speech with the word "hi" slowly wheezing out of your mouth, as your acquaintance whizzes by like you weren't there. This can leave you feeling pretty embarrassed.
Well, then maybe you should play it cool and pretend you don't know him/her-let them make the first move. You assume the "I'm-going-to-ignore-everyone" stance: hands in pockets, head looking straight down to the sidewalk and pensive/irritated look on face to discourage passersby from approaching. This doesn't work too well, however, because neither party will end up acknowledging the other. Basically you end up looking like a jerk most of the time.
For the past four years at Duke, I've had to decide numerous times whether to feel embarrassed or be a jerk. Unfortunately I think that I've chosen to be a jerk more often than not. Why? Because it's easier to be a jerk than to be embarrassed. When you decide to make the first move in greeting someone, you're putting yourself on the line for some rejection and failure-two of the toughest things that people experience in life. But when you decide to ignore someone instead of acknowledging them, you put no personal risk on the line, making it the more "rational" and safe choice.
Toward the end of my college career, I've come to realize that the smallest actions in life, even as small as greeting someone on the quad, reflects upon our inner personalities. I look back and remember those times when I only thought of myself, never bothering with other people, and can't help but feel disappointed. If you are ever going to grow as a person, then you need to be willing to experience some rejection and failure. Facing adversity is one of the best ways to learn and develop.
I'm one of those introverted individuals. Growing up in Paramus, N.J., I was pretty quiet and shy. When I was applying to colleges, one of the most important things I wanted in a college was for it to be far away from the New Jersey area-not because I disliked the area, but because I knew that if I was to ever grow as a person, I would have to gain some experiences outside of my comfort zone.
While I may not have completely rid myself of my awkward greeting disorder at Duke, this university has helped me grow into an individual more willing to experience new things and take on rejection and uncertainty. What can I say-like life, I'm a work in progress.
It's pretty much true what they say, college really does fly by. Please take advantage of it. Don't think it's the University's responsibility to make you experience college, it's yours. Take on some rejection and failure, wave hello to that person you have class with. Be willing to grow beyond your current state and don't settle for a safe bet all the time.
Here's a tip: baby steps.
Michael Chang is a Trinity senior and photography editor of Towerview magazine. He would like to thank Jianghai Ho, Weiyi Tan, Alexandra Brown and Irem Mertol for allowing him the honor of working with them this year. He would also like to thank The Chronicle for three years of unforgettable experiences and memories.
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