A men's issue

As middle-aged men who were of college age during the early stages of the sexual revolution, we know the changes that have occurred in American society, both in terms of opportunities for and the successes of women. Nonetheless, as women have seized their rightful role in our society, some disturbing issues remain. Nowhere perhaps is this more dramatic than in the inability of our society to make an appreciable dent in the degree to which women, and especially young women, continue to be subjected to sexual abuse and assault.

Statistics about sexual assault should alarm all of us, and sexual assault counselors report that these statistics are conservative. According to the Dating Violence Resources Center in Washington, D.C., 32 percent of college women experience some form of sexual assault or dating violence, ranging from stalking to rape. In any one year, it is estimated that 5 percent of college women will experience a rape or an attempted rape. If we extrapolate these numbers to Duke, some 967 students have experienced dating violence, and more than 150 undergraduate women are survivors of sexual assault. No one can be comfortable with this information. But numbers tell only part of the story.

Sexual violence occurs within a larger context marked by ambiguity about what actually constitutes dating violence. Admittedly, in the context of the hook-up culture, sexual assault can be difficult to discuss. Young women we have talked with tell us that the hookup culture often muddles these distinctions. So have young men.

Thanks to student efforts, we've made some strides in diminishing the stigma associated with sexual assault. Publications like Saturday Night: Untold Stories of Sexual Assault have helped educate our campus about the experience of those who survive sexual and dating violence. They have helped open conversations about informed consent and exposed the fear of sexual violence that some women feel on campus. Events like "Take Back the Night" have enabled us to understand the reality of the survivor and helped educate us not to blame the victim. But when we as a community talk about sexual assault, we still talk about it as if it is a "women's issue." That's where we're getting it wrong.

Sexual assault is not a women's issue; it's a relationship issue, a cultural issue and a societal issue. Statistics alone cannot convey how an act of sexual violence, in which power and force replace tenderness and love, can have a long-term impact on a woman's views of sexual intimacy and on her relationships. Sexual assault is a men's issue every bit as much as it is a women's and men need to claim an equal stake in this issue if real progress is to be made.

The fact that men tend to be bigger and stronger than women places women at a physical disadvantage. That's easy to understand. What do we as men do to recognize the implications of physical advantage and psychological coercion in sexual relations and, in particular, to nullify them? And there's another damaging issue-referenced earlier-that may be difficult for young people to appreciate. Both of us in our lifetimes have known women who were subjected to sexual assault at any early age. It affected their marriages, their roles as spouses, as partners and as parents, because for one night, it was easy for a male to take advantage of a situation.

As with many of the toughest societal issues, real progress comes when everyone owns a problem. Are breast cancer or prostate cancer women's or men's issues? Surely not. They affect everyone in a relationship with the person who has the disease. If we continue to think simplistically of sexual assault as something that women can control, we do not recognize the role and, more importantly, the responsibility of men in the equation. It is as much a young man's job to ascertain clear consent for sexual acts-which means a willing partner who is sober enough to be believed-as it is the responsibility of a woman to be firm with the man with whom she doesn't want to have sex. Insufficient consent is avoidable, but it requires a joint effort between the actors. Indeed, we weaken the discussion and cripple our own progress when men are not equal partners in the conversation about how to decrease sexual assault.

There is no magic bullet, but there are ways that young men and young women can talk with each other honestly, can support each other and can be responsible in the ownership of an issue that has no gender. It is a question of decency and caring and responsibility.