Outbreak

Recently, a new disease has emerged across the country, ruining countless Friday nights and leaving thousands of men confused and dejected. The disorder only seems to be spreading, causing many people to fear that the worst is still to come. This terrible affliction is most commonly known as Prince Charming Syndrome, or PCS for short.

PCS is very easy to identify. Women holding onto the dream that their tall, sophisticated, mustachioed dream man will instantly appear and sweep them off their feet display the most obvious signs of PCS. These women are known to instantly reject anyone who does not fit this idealistic mold for the perfect mate. Any talking or dancing with men who are not Prince Charming is prohibited. Being as rude as possible to most males also seems to be a frequent side effect of PCS.

Women with PCS are found most commonly dancing in impenetrable circles at local bars. When approached by an unacceptable male, women infected with PCS will either choose to ignore the suitor or promise the man that they will be "right back" and that they only have to "use the restroom really quickly." They never return.

Even though PCS is a widespread problem, Duke seems to be a real hot zone for the virus. Each day, it seems as if more and more women on campus contract this devastating illness. As you might expect, Shooters and Parizade's are simply crawling with PCS. However, strands of PCS have even been found in seemingly wholesome and sanitary places like the library and the gym.

While the symptoms and side effects of PCS are clear, very little is known about the biological basis of the syndrome. Some evidence has shown that the virus is caused by a deficiency in placental lactogen release of phospholipase efflux, but this data is speculative and inconclusive. Leading researchers from across the world are currently devoting much of their time to discovering the biology behind this confusing disorder, as such a discovery will surely result in winning a Nobel Prize.

Several theories have been put forth to explain the possible origins of PCS. Some people blame the sense of entitlement women have today, which is most evident in the popularity of items such as "Princess" T-shirts. Others point to Disney films like Sleeping Beauty for giving women unrealistic ideas about how life works. Still others cite our idolization of celebrities and our unending consumption of magazines like People and Cosmo.

Personally, I don't know how or why PCS began. I just know that it is a problem.

To learn more about this emerging disorder, I spoke with some of the experts. "PCS is an interesting disease in that it afflicts both sexes. Women with PCS show signs of an inflated ego and an unrealistic view of themselves. These girls spend all of their time latched on to this idea that the perfect man will just drop from the sky, which we all know is obviously untrue. Men are equally affected by PCS. The disease has ruined many a pleasant conversation or night out, forcing men to reach for the tissues more, if you know what I mean," explained a not-so-subtle Dr. Evan Zeitler of Stanford University. Dr. Zeitler later went on to stress the importance of men staying optimistic and confident despite the popularity of the emerging disease. (Note: this man may not be a doctor. Or real.)