I'm going to be straight with you. It's hard to be unattached and living in Durham when you're not an undergrad.
Here's why: Duke students are required to live on campus for the first three years, and fraternities are housed on campus, so almost all organized Durham mingling goes on within the stone confines of Duke's halls themselves.
While single graduate students are hardly alone-considering people who get advanced degrees wait longer on average to get married than those who finish with a bachelor's degree-being twenty-something and socially limited to your department can get to feeling a little lonely.
I've heard colleagues of mine so despondent about getting laid in the Triangle area that they've decided just to wait it out until their next vacation. or until they graduate.
Unfortunately, for those of us in Ph.D. programs, a five-year dry spell is out of the question.
As a recent addition to the single Duke graduate student club (We broke up in December-I don't need your sympathy), I think I can speak for many of my fellow single women in saying that finding a good-looking single guy in Durham is like finding a point in some of my columns. You know they must exist, but damn if you can't find one to save your life.
With Valentine's Day a mere two weeks away, I feel compelled to write a guide to finding a date in the Triangle.
Here are your options:
- You could date undergraduates:
This thought is terrifying in and of itself. While you might land a future doctor/lawyer/CEO, you might also wake up next to a beer-swilling unwashed miscreant in his 16th senior year. Upon further examination I have determined that dating undergraduates may land you in jail or intoxicated in a bikini on a pool table. Only hoe this road if you have a particularly moral and disciplined hoe.
- You could go to the bars in Chapel Hill:
That is, if you like to have your hair sniffed in public by men you don't know. A night in Chapel Hill can yield some promising prospects (SEE: Nurse Joe), but can also end in disaster (SEE: Not-so-nice Nick, Do Not Answer).
On an interesting side note, I've found that the guys with the most game in Chapel Hill are often those who work at the bars there. However, unless you want an STD or a headache-thankfully, I escaped with a headache-you should be afraid of said game, and run far, far away.
- You can go to private parties:
But be careful if food is involved and there are fewer than 10 invitees. If the cheese is particularly stinky or the host insists you sniff the cork from the wine, be prepared to spend the night discussing Foucault, because sometimes that happens. Then again, if that's your style, brush up on your literary criticism and get your swerve on, girl.
- There's always Raleigh:
Yes, Virginia, there is a party scene in Raleigh. It is full of balding men who can't dance and requires a designated driver, but is worth it for the occasional reasonably young professional who can carry on a conversation. Besides, if your night's a bust, you can get an enormous hot dog from one of the corner vendors and drown your sorrows in mustard.
Otherwise, you can hope for a movie-style grocery store meeting, or keep breaking your TV on purpose until they send a hot cable guy.
Now that I think about it, maybe I should have spent less time making fun of my lovebird friends at Florida State and more time making sure I was married before I left.
Wait, who am I kidding, I am completely devoid of self-control and any ability to commit.
Boyfriends are for the weak.
I'm just going to wait it out until my postdoc-I bet I'll be hotter with a Ph.D. anyway.
Jacqui Detwiler is a graduate student in psychology and neuroscience. Her column runs every Wednesday.
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