The bridesmaid myth

Growing up, I moved cross-country four times, lived in five different houses and went to five different schools in just as many years. This constant change of scenery left me without a solid base of friends; and I envied the friends I had left behind who had lived in the same neighborhood and had the same friends all of their lives.

I moved into house #5 in July, and that August I chose to go away to boarding school for high school. I figured this was my chance. I would finally meet my best friends for life that would not be left behind after one year. But for those of you who did not experience living in dorms starting at 14 or having Saturday classes, living at your high school is not always a dream come true, and living with and seeing your best friends 24-7 is a lot to adjust to at such a young age. Though I did make great friends, they are scattered around the world, and I still found myself at home on school breaks and in the summer with few to no friends within driving distance.

So, when I came to Duke, I was apprehensive and nervous that I would continue to go through my cycle of having 'disposable' relationships, though everyone assured me otherwise. My friend's mom told me, "College is the best place to make lifelong friends. It's where you meet all of your bridesmaids!" I started to believe more and more that I would meet my own perfect group of "bridesmaids" right off the bat once I moved onto East Campus.

I have since met so many wonderful people at Duke, and I know that I have made several friends who will be my friends for life. But I do feel that many of us are misled in our hopes of making lots of "best friends" once we set foot on campus. Think about the typical progression of four years at Duke. Freshman year, your friends are entirely dependent upon geography; whoever lives on your floor is automatically a new friend. Sophomore year, you are in a new place with an entirely new group of people and can no longer rely on geography as a means of staying in touch with your old floor buddies. As a result, many of us lose contact with the freshman friends that we worked so hard to make. As the tight-knit groups naturally break up over the course of sophomore year, many make a new set of friends by the end of second semester.

Junior year brings going abroad, and the friends you formed sophomore year are now scattered all over the world or left behind in Durham as you leave. People are separated for both semesters, and once again over the summer, making it difficult to sustain the bonds made during sophomore year.

Senior year brings with it one semester of being reunited with everyone you have encountered throughout Duke, friendships are re-forged. Then, second semester brings moving out and a final separation for many at graduation.

Though this cycle is not unique to Duke, it is a reality of life we all face here. Friendships come and go, but the rapid changes many of us face can cause anxiety that there is something wrong with us. We can't all hope to make tons of best friends at college, and it is normal to feel lonely or unsure when you feel like your friends do not stay the same for four years. College can be used as a time to discover yourself and let each new friend teach you a little something about what makes you tick, more about your own morals and values, partying habits or even simply your likes and dislikes. We learn how to have relationships here, even if we don't learn these lessons with the same group of people.

So for now, try and take the pressure off and just enjoy people for what they are while you're here. You have plenty of time to meet your own bridesmaids.