Some of you may have seen me on The Oprah Winfrey Show Thursday. The show was titled "Women Who Use Sex to Find Love," but this doesn't tell the whole story of the deeper issues associated with this particular topic. Given Duke's campus culture-one where women are expected to be perfect in every way and where hook-ups are the norm-it's easy to feel lonely and isolated at times. These kinds of feelings can lead a person into doing things that help him/her feel more comfortable, more accepted, more able to fit in.
Some people have asked me why I would choose to go on national television to talk about this. "Why didn't you just keep it private and go to CAPS so no one else would know?" It's true; I could have gone that route. Instead, I chose to write to Oprah, someone I really connect with on many levels, to talk about an issue often too "controversial" to discuss. She was kind, compassionate and supportive throughout the entire experience. I have no regrets at all.
I hoped that by talking openly about something that's challenging to me, this might also help other young women out there who are struggling with the same issues. These are young women who feel like they are the only ones dealing with this-women who might not have the resources or courage (yet) to come forward.
By going on national television and speaking out publicly, I have become a voice for other young women who have yet to be heard. Unfortunately, there will always be some opposition towards people who choose to speak the truth. I've encountered that here at Duke even among people I have considered friends. Some don't want to acknowledge that this problem exists. They would rather ignore it or consider it something other than what it is. But choosing not to talk about a problem won't make it go away.
For those who still can't understand, that is okay. My intent was to inform and inspire healing in others. I have already been contacted by a number of people with friends who are dealing with these same issues. I hope that watching the show or reading this editorial might help those people realize that they are not alone. Of course, there are resources here on campus that can help you too-staff at the Women's Center or CAPS, for instance, help lots of people on campus wrestling with all sorts of addictions.
The past couple of months have been a healing process for me. I thank those of you have been supportive. Your compassion has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
Tracy Egharevba
Trinity '06
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