The perfect schedule

It is a time of reflection, a time of excitement and most of all a time of panic-. It is the time to schedule and select classes for next semester. The class selection process at Duke is a testament to a student's skills and preferences. It is a sort of competition with a clear victory condition. The objective is to produce a schedule that contains so little coursework that it earns envy from even the biggest slackers.

In a rare feat of mathematical prowess, winning students find a way to optimize the many competing variables in order to produce what is nothing less than "the perfect schedule." At first glance, the schedule's perfection is evident from the dearth of red covering the silver background. Upon closer inspection, this masterpiece contains less than three classes per day, no labs, no class before 1:00 and most importantly no class on Friday-or Monday, for that matter. However, this schedule not only has the perfect class times but also the perfect classes. It manages to fulfill 20 Trinity requirements while at the same time contributing to two different majors (theatre studies and cultural anthropology). The classes are handpicked to be the least challenging, most lenient and most impressive sounding of all classes at Duke.

The process for creating this schedule is hard and time-consuming (much like anything that takes time away from drinking or sleeping). Preliminary research on classes consists of asking every acquaintance about easy classes that fulfill the NS, QS, CCI, EI, ALP, STS, R, W and Seminar requirements. The advice must then be sifted through to eliminate classes that you've already taken. This process gets harder the older you are and the more easy classes you've slept through. The classes that are appropriate (i.e. have open-book tests or one essay with infinite rewrites) are then placed into the Alternate Bookbag for future consideration. A good one to two hour block of time is then devoted to looking through all the various majors for courses that fulfill Trinity requirements. Schedule Search enhances this process by allowing the student to specify classes down to the time-preferably after 3 but before 5-and specific T-req-the NS and QS are always the hardest.

Once an appropriate class is found, every minute detail must be analyzed in between rounds of beer pong. Any honest look at the synopsis analysis begins in the grading section. Any class with essays longer than two pages, quizzes or problem sets must be discarded. The next objective is to make sure that the reading and discussion for the class will be light. A good clue would be a lack of books in the textbook section and readings from various websites. Everyone knows that the longer the synopsis, the easier the class. After all, a serious class usually has specific topics that do not need much elaboration. If it says that it was specifically designed for non-majors to fulfill the NS and STS requirements, this class was created for people that do not want to learn anything.

The next step in the process is to look at the information course evaluations (found by clicking the "detail" link on the dropdown). The scheduling expert makes sure that the difficulty of subject/work and the amount of effort/work are mostly in the very low to moderate ranges. Only when a course meets this criteria can be added to the Alternate Bookbag. It is at this very point at which choosing a schedule becomes difficult. There are about 15 courses in the Alternate Bookbag, and they probably have conflicting times. These courses must then be narrowed down to four. Five classes is far too many for a Trinity student to handle.

By this time you have probably eliminated anything before 1 p.m. or on Friday. Next the classes must be compared directly with the classes that have conflicting time schedules. This is done by summing the number of requirements that each respective course fulfills and choosing the one that fills up the the most. If any conflicts remain after this, just flip a coin. At the end you will have a the "Perfect Schedule." It will minimize your stress, it will allow you to get the necessary 12 hours of sleep, and it will allow you to keep a respectable GPA. It is a source of pride for oneself and a cause of envy for others. It is a complete and utter waste of you parents' money. It is victory on a paper printout.

Andrey Fradkin is a Trinity sophomore. His column usually runs every other Friday.