Catty. Fake. Moody. Over emotional. Guys use these terms ad nauseum to describe the worst of female behavior. When girls show their not-so-nice sides, male counterparts are quick to call out the improprieties. They become disappointed when a lady gets all disjointed over an inconsequential issue. They chide us for the comments we make about another girl as soon as she walks out of earshot. Their scolding is meant to show us the error of our petty female ways.
But if you look and listen closely, you'll find that guys are guilty of the exact same thing. It turns out all of those "girly" behaviors aren't so gender specific. Though they ride us for being judgmental, guys will turn around and criticize just the same. Whether or not the frequency and intensity of their behavior is equal to ours, boys can--and absolutely will--behave like girls.
This irony started to take shape in high school, when guy friends exhibited regular emotional cycles similar to that of PMS Every few weeks like clockwork, a guy would get unnecessarily pissy with everyone and everything around him. Back then, all you needed to do was steer clear of said guy for about three days and you were golden.
Now that puberty is over and testosterone levels have balanced, the mood swings have quelled. What has taken their place however, is the exhibition of stereotypical female behavior. This isn't just a once a month thing; it's something you anticipate in dealing with guys on a daily basis. Your gossiping and backhanded comments have gotten our attention boys. The under the breath mutterings, or looks you all give one another are not as stealthy as you believe them to be.
Stereotypical guy behavior says men tell it how it is, no bullshit. What you find a lot of the time, however, are guys who embody the fakeness that they claim to abhor in us. This isn't a simple, say hi to someone you don't really like situation. That would be child's play for petty men.
What we have is perfected Two-Face syndrome--where everything a guy says is catered to whom he talks with. For example, if Two Face has been hooking up with someone that you don't approve of, he'll tell you, "Yeah, that was a huge mistake. It's totally over." But he'll tell other friends that he's dating the girl if he thinks that will impress them. Once you look past all the double talk, you're left with one blazingly insecure boy whose identity is based on what others want to hear. Sounds like a Stetson man to me.
Guys loathe the way we talk about one another, specifically the story telling that takes place in weekly sorority meetings. They claim fraternity brothers have respect and would never call a friend out like that. Instead, after a guy blabs about a hook-up that his friends promise to keep secret, these frat-tastics make a point to run and tell sorority friends so that it all comes out in next week's meeting. Women can't run the viciously rapid rumor mill alone; the males fuel the process with their indirect gossip. Think of it as the Diet Coke of snitching: same result, none of the balls it takes to do it yourself.
Just like us, guys vary in their gossip behavior. Some are closet gossips, like the guy who has a nasty comment about every single one of his friends, but only reveals them to his girlfriend. Then you have the gossiping drunk guy. Granted he's not nearly as terrible as drunk crying girl--you know, the one who sobs for no reason every time she imbibes. Gossiping drunk guy, with the right amount of booze, will let slip certain things he's not supposed to tell, along with his personal opinion of anyone in the room. Others are your run of the mill gossips--anytime, anyplace, they're ready to talk. They make sure to find girls who will indulge their tattling and get giddy when they have an especially juicy tidbit to tell.
One of the more surprising findings is the way guys deal with confrontation. Rather than follow the typical "punch him in the face and everything is legit tomorrow" scenario, a lot of guys bottle it up and pout for days. We're talking full-on cold shoulder treatment, complete with dirty looks. This huff-and-puff heel stomping often takes place between guy and girl friends, but many have been known to display this behavior in intra-gender conflicts.
Lastly you have the superficial aspects, like the boyfriend who takes longer to get dressed and ready than you, or the guy who only wears certain labels in his attempt to look casually perfect while masking hyper high maintenance.
The issue at hand is not that certain guys act feminine, or the ever-intelligent idea that men can be bitches too. And it's not a certain sect of society--like the irritating term metrosexual. What we have here is a case of gender-based behavior that is actually universal. As it turns out, those female flaws are inherent in all of us. So, before you males make quick to chastise your girl friends, realize that it's likely you do the same things. However, this is not a case of two wrongs make a right. These qualities are not the ones a person wants to display. But we're all works in progress, and hopefully with time, we'll move past the petty stuff--boys and girls alike.
Jen Wlach is a Trinity senior. Her column appears every other Wednesday.
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