GRID PICKS

CARD GYMNASIUM -- With the sports staff versus everybody else basketball game fast approaching, the Grid Pickers were, in the words of Grid Picker Emeritus Abraham Lincoln "Continental" a house divided against itself. Here, in its original, biased glory, is the preview of this Upcoming Clash of the Titans.

Bringing up the point for the sports squad is Mike "Jay Burson" Corey, who sets up an offense much like he dresses: with flair and panache, plus a lot of Zubar parapernalia. Playing the two is sharpshooter Matt "Rony Seikaly" Sullivan, who can shoot out the lights like they were ducks at a carnival. Splitting time at swingman are the Twin Things That Are Not As Tall As Towers, But That Move Faster, Jesse "Steve Wojciechowski" Colvin and Paul "Sleepy Floyd" Crowley. Their skills are only paralleled by their love of Baltimore Crab Cakes. Jake "Jerry West" Poses is an undersized center with a heart as big as a truck tire. Manning the paint is Robbie "Yinka Dare" Samuel, whose back problems don't prevent him from being the most dominant big man in Duke extracurricular ball since Carlos Boozer suited up for the Freeman Center.

The bench for the sports squad is deeper than Grid Picks faculty advisor Edward "That's what she" Said, featuring Catherine "Big Country Reeves" Sullivan backing up the guards, and Betsy "Stacey Augmon" McDonald and Paula "Corliss Williamson" Lehman are valuable players who can hurt you with their shooting or defense. The news squad is more sparse, with Andrew "Quinn Buckner" Collins being the first option, a triple threat with his passing, rebounding and body odor.

Banging around in the paint and occasionally scoring a basket is Alex "Joe Dumars" Garinger, whose leadership of the Chronicle is more selfless than his shoot-first style of play. The triple X-Factors of the backcourt are Jane "Bill Cartwright" Hetherington, Karen "Dave Cowens" Hauptmann and Malavika "Detlef Schrempf" Prabhu, who can bring up the ball with the same verve that they bring to their vicious mahjongg games every week.