The rain had just stopped a few hours before the wedding began. The sun was coming out and shining over the rolling country hills. Horses were playing at nearby farm. The birds were singing. Under a tent decorated with lights, flowers and fall leaves, a group of people was gathered for the union of two souls--two people who happened to be women.
I must admit I didn't really know either of these people. Like a lot of young women, I was excited to attend a wedding, and was happy when my best friend, Jessica, invited me to go with her. Jessica knew one of the women through her work at a women's shelter assisting domestic violence survivors.
Similar to many people who find themselves marginalized in a multitude of ways, this woman struggles for justice on many fronts. I had never attended a same-sex wedding before. It's uncommon and especially rare in America's Heartland. These two women had overcome almost insurmountable obstacles: They are lesbians, they are women of color, they are both from traditional families and they live in Kansas.
This wedding was the most touching ceremony I have ever attended. Everything was chosen for a reason--the Catholic traditions from the Mexican-American woman's heritage, the traditions to revere Mother Earth from the Saudi Arabian woman's beliefs. The rings were passed around the crowd so that everyone could bless them. The Saudi Arabian woman's sister read poetry by Audre Lorde and lovingly embraced the couple. The flower children danced down the isle and threw flower petals about. Toward the end, even the Catholic priest was crying as he pronounced, "This is probably the most beautiful ceremony I've ever been a part of."
Unfortunately, there is still a great amount of hostility to same-sex unions in this country. The marriage of these women will remain unrecognized by the state of Kansas and by the federal government. Kansas law, like the law in North Carolina and in 35 other states, explicitly condemns same-sex unions, going so far as to refuse to recognize same-sex unions from states such as Vermont. These women are not entitled to any partner benefits such as the ability to make medical decisions for each other, the right to take medical leave to take care of the other partner, social security benefits, etc. Kansas and North Carolina are also similar in the obstacles they raise for same-sex partners attempting to complete their families and adopt children. These limits have serious consequences for same-sex partners and in the case of adoption, for children desperately needing loving families, as well. A brief visit to a website such as "The NC Kids Adoption and Foster Care Network" is almost too sad for words. There are simply hundreds of North Carolina children waiting to be adopted out of foster homes. Their pictures show hopeful smiles and their profiles speak to their desire to find a "forever family" of their very own.
Even at Duke we have seen the effects of anti-gay discrimination: The protests over same-sex unions being permitted in our Chapel, the constant debate over whether being gay really is fine by us, and others. although I would like to think that our generation is in general more tolerant than those that came before us, sometimes I'm not sure how many of us understand that the struggle for gay rights is the struggle for the universal human rights of us all. Mainstream human rights groups such as Amnesty International now recognize that few rights are more fundamental than the right to love whomever you choose.
Hostility to gays and lesbians is of course not just confined to same-sex unions. Many straight people think gay people should keep their sexuality "secret" and refrain from any public displays of affection, even as we feel free to kiss and hold hands in public. I doubt many of us can imagine what it would be like if we had to stop ourselves from putting our arm around a lover or freely planting a kiss on our beloved's cheek. Our hesitancy to allow even the most conservative demonstration of love--monogamous, committed love between two people with all the rights and responsibilities of marriage--only serves to illustrate just how uncomfortable many straight people are with same-sex and nontraditional relationships.
The struggle for same-sex unions is but one part of a larger struggle for the rights not only of gay people but for everyone to express their love and sexuality freely. As straight people, rather than being confused by same-sex unions, we should instead hope that we too find love like that someday--love we are willing to sacrifice for and cherish, despite what the rest of the world may think.
Bridget Newman is a Trinity junior. Her column appears every other Wednesday.
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