The Importance of Platonics

There is one relationship that makes the college experience, and those going through it more complete: friendship with members of the opposite sex. We spend so much of our time here focused on hooking up or involved in relationships that we overlook the significance of those whom I like to call the platonics. They are simply put, the male or female friends that hold non-sexual roles in your life.

In "When Harry Met Sally" the argument is that men and women can never be friends because sex always gets in the way. While I love that movie (there are two copies in my apartment) I have found that it's premise is completely false. There is nothing I would like less than to have sexual relations with my guy friends. And I'm glad to know the feeling is mutual. This sentiment is echoed by throngs of people on campus. Men and women can just be friends. It's an uncomplicated idea, but the study of platonics at Duke proves to be far more interesting.

Sure having girl or guy friends is great, but forming those relationships is not so easy. It turns out the path to companionship in college isn't cut and dry; it meanders...a lot. In many cases your platonic friends don't start out as such. Often they become nonsexual buddies once they realize romance is not a possibility.

I remember being at the Marketplace freshman year and watching guys flirt with girls at brunch. Things would start out smooth, but as soon as she dropped the "b- word" also known as boyfriend, the conversation turned to "see you in class. Buh-bye." That's the beauty of the Marketplace: it doubles as a dining hall and meat market.

As for the ladies, after several failed flirtation attempts with that cute guy on your hall, you stop strategically "bumping" into him in full make-up and cleavage-enhancing outfits. If he's not interested in you, then you accept the consolation prize of being a girl friend and not the girlfriend.

At home, I always had platonics. They would come to me with girl problems, and we'd spend hours on the phone talking about anything and nothing at the same time. But when I came to Duke, I found myself with an estrogen-heavy buddy list. Guys weren't IM-ing or calling because my plans were always with my then-boyfriend who also attends Duke. And while his suitemates and his frat brothers became my friends, it was through him. Most of my male friends were indirect platonics. And that is frequently the case on campus, once we progress beyond the Marketplace into sophomore year. Girlfriends go from long-distance to no-distance and female friends take a backseat.

Of course, there are simpler cases. There may be a nice girl from your FOCUS program or a funny guy in Stats that you just get along with. This is when friendships resemble those simple ones from kindergarten, where complementary skills in Beirut or a similar passion for late night Cantina will be the foundation for a relationship.

Sometimes platonics are just platonics from the start, which provides for less drama and Felicity-like emotional messiness. Getting your platonics at Duke isn't the easiest thing. It turns out, though, that there are some great benefits that make these efforts worth your while. It wasn't until last year, when I was re-released into the single population, that I truly understood and appreciated having platonic friendships. Platonics give you great insight into the mind of the opposite sex. They bring you closer to the answer of "what do women want?" With their different perspectives, behavior and ways of thinking, your friends of the opposite sex allow you to be a well-rounded companion.