Red, Black and Blue

"Aw, you look like the Fourth of July. It makes me want a hot dog real bad."

When this is the funniest line in a film, you know you have a problem.

Unless, of course, that film is a sequel. Indeed, the deceptive sequel is a certain type of film that cruelly takes advantage of its naive fans, who, after enjoying the first installment, are instantly willing to see whatever material the writers and producers can crudely hack together in time for a summer release date. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde is exactly that type of film.

To be fair, the line above is not actually the funniest line in the movie. It is, however, the funniest original line in the film. Indeed, if it was a crime to plagiarize oneself, the writers of Legally Blonde 2 would be guilty on all counts. The sequel borrows so heavily from its predecessor--from its working-class Elle Woods doppelganger (Bob Newhart as a doorman--go figure) to "it's pink and scented"--that it seems only a first draft of itself.

And Blonde's shameless self-reverie is but one flaw among many. Seldom will you find a film the relies so entirely on hackneyed stereotyping and utterly unrealistic plotlines as the core elements of its story. The flaming homosexual, the Woods' unfathomably cynical adversary, the mindless sorority girl, the initially-cold old man who actually has a heart-of-gold--it's all there. Even the talented Reese Witherspoon is left playing only a caricature of the blonde heroine, Woods. From her ghastly outfits to her painful, wince-inducing speeches, Woods fails to win any sympathy from the audience--even if a joint session of Congress is happy to give her an enthusiastic round of applause. The truth is, she leaves you cringing.

Ultimately, however, what seems so disappointing about this movie is not its incomprehensible plot line or humiliating bouts of stupidity (read: intern cheerleading/dance number on the Senate staircase), but its failure to even make an effort at matching the witty--if occasionally unbelievable--material from the first film. Don't waste your time with Legally Blonde 2--even a leather-clad gay Chihuahua in love is not enough to rescue this film.

Grade: D