TV Watching for Dummies

I hear a lot of Duke students say they're too busy to watch TV. Well, maybe you just can't wade through all the choices, so we're here to help.

Thursday

8-9:30 p.m.--Friends, Scrubs, Will and Grace, NBC

The no-brainer choice for years, NBC's Thursday lineup is as predictable as a sweater from your grandmother at Christmas. I'll probably tune in to the revamped Star Search on CBS (running opposite the 8 o'clock hour) at least once, though.

9:30-10 p.m.--Surreal Life, WB

Q: What do you get when you cross MTV's The Real World with The Osbournes? A: Surreal Life, which places washed up celebrities living in a house together for a crack at another 15 minutes of fame. Yes, everyone from Emmanuel Lewis (Webster, for those of you who missed the '80s) to Hammer and Gabrielle Carteris (Beverly Hills 90210) will be there. Let the house party begin!

Now that she's dropped Hugh Downs, Barb's really ready to shine. Actually, I just like to round out the week tuning into this and drinking every time she makes a celebrity cry during an interview. I'm usually gone by 10:30.

Saturday

8-10 p.m.--Trading Spaces, TLC

While it was a tough choice between this and Touched by an Angel, I gotta go with cable for tonight. In fact, this show is so addictive you may even stop meeting your friends for dinner. Not only do you get great ideas for that first apartment from the designers who come in weekly to decorate neighbors' homes on a tight budget, but there are also the shows that drive homeowners to tears-when the designers put up a living moss wall in their bedroom.

10-11 P.M.--Iron Chef, Food Network

If you haven't caught onto this dubbed favorite from Japan, then grab some sake and sushi and curl up in front of the TV. A top Japanese chef faces off against psycho Chairman Kaga's "Iron Chefs." The tasting panel, which inevitably includes at least one giggling Japanese starlet, then judges to see which chef best articulates the theme ingredient in his dishes-anything from homard lobster to piglets.

Sunday

7-9:30 p.m.--Futurama, The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Malcolm in the Middle, Fox

The Fox block still rules my Sunday nights. The Simpsons may have changed from its roots, but they're definitely funny enough to keep me coming back for more. Either you're from a small town (like me) and you know Hank Hill or you don't and you never will. If you're part of the latter group, flip it over to 60 Minutes-still the best news magazine on TV.

Monday

8-9 p.m.--Fear Factor, NBC

Attractive people eating animal testicles.

9-10 p.m.--Joe Millionaire, Fox

If you want drama, tune into Third Watch; if you want fake tears, tune into Everwood; if you want laughs, tune into Raymond; but if you're me, you want trash, and Fox delivers with a serial version of Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire. The real twist is that at the end Fox will actually tell the contestants that the guy isn't a millionaire-instead of their finding out in the National Inquirer months later.

11-11:30 p.m.--Dream Team with Annabelle and Michael, Sci-Fi (beginning Jan. 20)

From the previews, the show seems to focus heavily on the hosts' analyzing straight women who have dreams about being with other women. I'm hoping the show branches out from that genre (trying to draw in an audience through pseudo-lesbianism is so '90s), but I'll tune in to the premiere.

Tuesday

10-11 p.m.--Real World XII, The Osbournes, MTV

This season of Real World has more hooking up than all the others put together-that alone is enough to keep me tuned in. While The Osbournes may get old after the end of next season, the fights, bleeps and stuttering remain in the quirky and amusing category for now-I'll stay tuned.

Wednesday

8-9 p.m.--Dawson's Creek, WB

Rumors abound that this is the last season for the Creek kiddies. Might as well see the quad out your window on the tube while you still can!

9-10 p.m.--The West Wing, NBC

While The Amazing Race on CBS is usually my pick for this slot, it won't return for at least another month. In the meantime, I'll be tuning back in to see if the Dems can pick up a good economic stimulus plan from President Bartlett.

-Meg Lawson