There are lots of things I don't understand about this University. The lack of handicap access, paper thieves ravaging the computer clusters and the bus schedule are just a few Duke idiosyncrasies I fail to comprehend. What really tops my list is the so-called hook-up culture. What hook-up culture? I ask. Who's hooking-up? When? Where? How?
Everyone seems to complain on a daily basis about the lack of hooking-up going on. This just makes no sense to me. Enough columns have been written on the lack of boyfriend or girlfriend material on campus. So, we all agree. No one dates here because apparently no one is quality material. Well, quality material for a significant other is certainly not the same quality material for hooking-up. And few people seem to grasp this point.
As most students who went to boarding school will tell you, hooking-up is actually a social phenomenon there. People just don't talk about it. They do it. And they probably learn something from it. That's high school. At Duke, there seems to be too much talking and not enough doing.
Students are to blame for impeding a healthy hook-up culture. Why do we have to call every walk at 7 a.m. a "walk of shame?" Why do we stigmatize people who hook-up with some regular frequency? Why the name-calling and gossiping? This is not going to create a culture of hooking-up, but rather a culture of embarrassment, entirely counter-productive for a bunch of college-aged students looking for a good time.
There are a lot of good reasons for fostering a hook-up culture, and some have serious implications. First, surely many people secretly want a healthier hook-up culture. People are likely tired of complaining about the lack of a hook-up culture here and want to stop gossiping out of jealousy about their friends' hook-ups.
If more people were hooking-up, it's pretty obvious we would avoid sexual frustrations. People might be friendlier to one another and less obsessed with hooking-up if they were actually doing it. But again the culture we have created does not allow for easy, stigma-free hook-ups.
On a more serious note, a significant percentage of the hooking-up takes place during and after parties. Alcohol is often involved. This can create a lot of messy situations. Unfortunately, alcohol has to be the lubricant for hooking-up because stigmas do not allow people to approach or discuss hooking-up in a reasonable manner. And people often regret hooking-up in alcoholic situations. So why do we refuse to hook-up under non-alcoholic circumstances? We would likely avoid many of the problems created from alcoholic hook-ups if we were able to talk about hooking-up before the party and not after a few drinks.
Of course, we're all looking for that long-term boyfriend or girlfriend. Many of our parents probably met in college. Times are changing. Our generation is going to school longer and is not as ready to settle down after college. We have got to stop obsessing over finding the perfect someone, they may never be found in our four years here.
We need to start thinking about now. We're in college! We're expected in some way to play the field and not feel guilty for hooking-up with someone after last weekend's party or (gasp!) before dinner. Hooking-up does not have to be degrading, awkward or unsafe. Hooking-up can take on many forms; it's not only free love or wild experimentation. Everyone has the choice to hook-up and in whatever way deemed suitable.
It is in our power as students to change the culture we have created. Consciously avoiding judgment, stigma and gossip is the first step. I think a lot of people would be a lot happier.
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