I turned on the local news the other night, hoping to learn a little about what goes on outside of the Gothic Wonderland. I'm not sure what I was expecting--a tad of journalistic credibility, a tidbit of a crime report--but I was greeted by "Do you have Carrie Bradshaw Syndrome?"
Before I could worry that America's favorite sexpot was deathly ill, the anchor continued, "Are you a shopaholic? Do you have too much credit card debt?" Phew! Sarah Jessica was okay, but the story got me thinking about what other celebrity diseases we could all be suffering from.
Tom Cruise Syndrome: Covering up your inner femininity by dating hot young female stars.
Angelina Jolie Syndrome: Sudden, wild urge to marry someone in your father's age bracket and then talk about your sex life to anyone who will listen.
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen Syndrome: Having a strong desire to be a conjoined twin because being identical just isn't enough.
Ally McBeal Syndrome: Being overcome by annoying animated hallucinations at least six times a day.
Matt Damon Syndrome: Serially dating all of your co-stars.
Britney Spears Syndrome: Uncontrollable hankering to show your belly button to people all around the world. (See also Christina Aguilera Syndrome and Beyonce Knowles Syndrome)
Peter Buck Syndrome: Inability to control violent, rock and roll tendencies at 30,000 feet.
Mark McGrath Syndrome: Powerlessness to turn down any commercial contract that comes your way.
Drew Barrymore Syndrome: Constantly yapping about your 12-year-old 12-step experience.
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