When Harry Met Sally, we were just little kids. Meg Ryan took a backseat to "My Little Pony," and the essential question of men and women being friends really didn't matter. Guys had cooties. Girls were gross. End of story.
When Harry met Sally, we didn't really care.
Now we do. Everyone's got friends of the opposite sex. They're our backup dates and our sources of perspective. They're the girls who teach you to do laundry, and the guys that teach you how to play Beirut. Guy-girl friendships are key for sanity, and fun. Now when Harry meets Sally (usually on TNT at midnight), we breathe a sigh of relief. Yes, guys and girls can be friends. It's not just possible; it's necessary.
It can also be a big mess. In its purest form, the guy-girl friendship is the best of what's around. You get the same support as you would from your roommate but the viewpoint of another species--it should be the perfect deal. But life isn't always that easy, and guy-girl friendships can change colors faster than last season's lip gloss.
There's the classic switch from friend to lover, best illustrated by Harry and Sally themselves. When mutual, this move is easy--in fact, one of my best guy friends is dating an old pal. "We were best friends," he told me at Torero's. "And then, I don't know. We both just felt it." They've been dating for two years.
But the swap from friends to lovers is easy. It's other mutations of guy-girl friendships that are trouble. What happens when one friend crushes? Chaos. "He won't leave me alone," whines my partner-in-crime. She met him in Trent last year. She's taken. He's not. It's the perfect setup for a teen movie, but unfortunately, this is the real deal, and it's a very sticky situation.
But I have no sympathy because my situation is worse. My best friend is a guy. We were inseparable until he graduated and went to law school in the golden state. Last week, I answered my cell just in time to hear those three little words. "Faran," he said, "I'm in love." And I'm in trouble.
I'm not crushing. I'm not jealous. Really, I'm just scared. How much of my job is she going to steal? Will she tell him what Diesels to buy? Will he write her short stories? Am I about to lose my best friend?
Freshman year, I had a guy friend. He liked me; I was taken. Then I liked him; he was taken. Finally, we gave up and got drunk. Riding home on the Central bus, he gave me some advice. "Listen," he said, "always be honest with people. That way, if it doesn't work out, you'll have no regrets. You've done what you truly needed to do."
So last night, I picked up the phone. I called my best friend. I told him it was great he had found someone, but it was going to be hard for me to share. I told him everything I was afraid of--losing him, being alone, seeing him broken-hearted or even worse, seeing him totally in love. It was a difficult conversation, and by the end, I was almost crying. He said quietly, "I am so glad you called."
Turns out, he was afraid too. And I guess that's all I really needed to hear.
So yes, Harry and Sally, guys and girls can be friends. They just have to be honest with each other and admit that's all they want--or admit that they want something more. I'm reminded of a great "Sex and the City" episode, where marriage-minded Charlotte looks at her four best friends and finally gives up. "Maybe we're each others' soul mates," she said, "and boyfriends are really just people to have a great time with."
Sounds good to me.
Faran Krentcil is a Trinity junior and trends editor of Recess.
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