Off the Line

f crossing the line from music to film is supposed to be the high point in a career, then N'Sync's Lance Bass and Joey "Fat One" Fatone don't have far to fall. The two boys' new movie, On the Line, is not only an embarrassment to the film industry but also the music industry.

To start, story lines don't get much simpler or weaker than this one: Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets her back. Whew. That was tough. There isn't a second that goes by when you don't know what happens next. The scenes at Bass's workplace are the most promising because Jerry Stiller plays a disgruntled mailroom worker at the ficticious ad agency. Too bad he has maybe five minutes of screen time.

In an attempt to recover what was already lost, the editors did their best to cover up leading man Bass's bad acting. The problem is they wound up letting supporting man Fatone steal the show with his flatulence problem. Stick to the music and dancing, boys.

Well, maybe not. The new N'Sync songs seemed campy at best. They were obviously written to fit perfectly into the script (or vice versa) and are cause for a good chuckle. But at least they look good, right?

Um, not exactly. Message to all teen girls: Joey Fatone is fat and Lance Bass resembles a feret. Their clothing is equally as ugly. Bass's wardrobe consisted of three shiny button downs with matching ties. I thought I was up on today's fashion, but apparently not so.

Attention all males: Skinny silk ties are back in! Head to your local JC Penney and get the Lance Bass look! And Fatone's character is a wannabe rockstar who farts, burps and likes to kick amps while performing at an open mic night.

All kidding aside, this movie has done great service to stupid teenagers everywhere. They will now be inspired to learn the names of all 43 presidents in hopes of landing teen hearthrob Lance Bass.

Judging by how bad it sucked and the number of people in the audience (me, my annoyed friend, and a skechy old dude in the back--yes, count them three), this movie won't be in theaters much longer.



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