Grid Picks

EAST CAMPUS TURF FIELD--The combination of the sports department trying to cut costs, coupled with the staff's (and the entire school's) desire to see a fall sports team that could actually win a game, the grid pickers made their way to the East Campus Turf Field to watch the undefeated field hockey team. Of course, due to another error by Sports Information, the grid pickers found the field empty because the team was playing in Louisville.

A few grid pickers were bummed out by the loss like Tyler "kissed by a" Rosen and Nick "Holy" Christie "I can't believe I told Wojo about the editorial." While both were busy gloating about last weeks wins, Rosen wanted to show off his vast field hockey knowledge and was already constantly asking people's opinions about his next graphic. Meanwhile Christie's gloating was pre-emptive; he kept talking about how he'd only missed two games a week ago, before forgetting that he spoke too early and Fresno State did actually win.

"Just look on the bright side guys, if no one loses, Doran won't have anyone to make fun of, and I won't lose my center-court seats to every Duke basketball game," said Craig "One year later and I still can't think of a single decent nickname for this kid" Saperstein. "I'm still worried that Jon Jackson may get mad at me after that editorial."

Paul "slam the" Doran "don't look back" would have been quick to utter an incredibly stupid and possibly offensive retaliation, but he was passed out on the bleachers.

Speaking of editorials, though, "I" Ambika "er than you" Kumar, Jim "Judas Isc" Herriott, Matt Atwood "stock" and John "burning" Bush could not make it to East because they were busy wading through the letters from alumni who were complaining about publishing Sean Dockery's grades.

Dave "twinkle-toes" Ingram was also back at the office, but with his counterpart Kevin "Ohio State cologne" Lees lounging on the bleachers, Ingram was stuck with the unenviable task of answering phones. "Hello, The Chronicle" could constantly be heard in a barely audible tone in the background.

Back on East, a very confused Lees kept going on about both Fresno and William Chafe. "If only we could take out Chafe the way Fresno State took out Oregon State." Kevin "Oh" Lloyd "have mercy" agreed very briefly before Lees called him out for kissing butt.

In a much odder turn of events, Harold "is crying his" Gut "s out" mann, Greg "All we are saying is give" Veis "a chance," Andrew "I do not like" Greenfield "and ham," Adrienne "and no I can't kick either" Mercer and Christina "Turner" Petersen were busy reaming Evan "more of a traitor than Lees" Davis, who had just returned from being gone for the seventh wedding in a row and was looking sharp in his new Mick Jagger wig and blue sequined dress.