BRYAN CENTER, SATURDAY 6:47 p.m. -- After more than a year of pretending to try to see the worst losing streak in the country increase, the Grid Pickers were finally on their way to an actual football game. But, they of course got sidetracked and eventually decided the Bryan Center was much more compelling than the football team.
"You know, we really should make it to the game," said Tyler "put me on press" Rosen, a member of the wannabe trio currently sitting in first place. "The Blue Devils are probably only losing by 53 at this point, and I need to see at least one play so I can suggest a corny headline."
Harold "I don't have the" Gut "-s to stay in first place either" mann agreed, but also added that he still needed to be paid after winning last year's picks.
However, the last members of the trio, Ambika "pork chop" Kumar, Dave "I never write with blue" Ingram and Martin "Maureen Dowd" Barna didn't care to go to the game. Kumar had gone to the lobby shop to buy her 10th Luna Bar for Women of the day.
Meanwhile Barna kept pretentiously trying to show off his football knowledge to Ingram, who was desperate to learn so he wouldn't be the only guy grid picker who knew nothing about football.
Kevin "et tu, Brute?" Lees and Paul "really bad o-" Doran didn't care about football--they were too concerned whether the basketeers were "being entertained by the women's social club." Lees keep muttering something about entertaining himself.
Meanwhile, a very confused "Jamie" Herriott was busy hawking Union Jacks to various folk passing by and blaming everyone else both for page one mistakes and for being last in the Grid Picks standings.
Craig "-in up my bits and pieces" Saperstein would have joined him, if he hadn't been busy messing up the wire pages and redoing them in 15 minutes, while also trying to wade through all the complaints about Evan "my chief of staff is bigger than Andy Card's" Davis' column. Matt Atwood "they finally pass the budget?" was correcting Saperstein's 143 typographical mistakes.
Pratik "when you read this I'll be wasted 'cause today's my 21st birthday" Patel could not be reached for comment. He was passed out near Herriott. But Drew "in-" Klein "-ed plane," Thad "two weeks later my photography is still sub-" Parsons and Eddie "that" Geisinger were trying make good use of the new color on the centerspread by getting a good "feapic" of Patel.
"Who needs Jesus when you have" John Bush and Nick "I'm too sexy to turn Grid Picks in on time" Christie weren't there either. They were busy going through Christie's relevant column about the recent Peruvian election. Meanwhile, Andrew "Johnson" Greenfield, Christina "re-" Peterson, Kevin Lloyd "'s of London," Adrienne "Frankincense and" Mercer and Greg "world" Veis had left early in hopes of actually making it to Wally Wade, but decided an empty Cameron Indoor Stadium was much more interesting.
Finally Catherine "what the hell kind of nickname do you make with OCatherine'" Sullivan was the only one who actually made it to the game. She proudly got to cover the football team's 15th straight loss.
--By Jim Herriott. If we blame this on him, it's one thing he won't be able to complain about.
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