recess remorse

Everyone makes mistakes, especially writers and critics. Sometimes we get so high on our soapboxes (or so far past our deadlines) that we construct really poor sentences, make comparisons that don't make sense or spout off rhetoric that would make Al Sharpton look plain-spoken. It happens. Hell, we already regret that Al Sharpton joke.

But, as with life, Recess offers a chance for redemption. We asked the staff to look back and find those sentences and comments that seemed like a good ideas at the time, but ended up disasters.

Greg Bloom, on Requiem for a Dream: "At the very least, I can vow never to do heroin ever again." For the record-and we hope you are reading Grandma Bloom-little Greg has never hit the smack.

Kelly McVicker got in trouble with the 'rents when she reviewed Upright Citizens Brigade's Duke performance. Referring to an incident during the show, she wrote: "...you open your groggy little lids, and what to your wondering eyes should appear? A two-foot long dildo resting in your mouth."

Martin Barna, on Allison Janney of The West Wing: Among other poorly chosen superlatives for the Amazon-like, middle-aged actress, Barna called Janney "stellar and gorgeous." Barna also apologizes for calling Danny DeVito "handsome and debonaire" and Rosie O'Donell "sexy and subtle."

Beth Iams, on the new Jennifer Lopez disc J.Lo: " ...the biggest shocker of J-Lo by far is that Jen actually can sing...." Yeah, and Al Gore can dance, Carrot Top is funny and Jordan Bazinsky is tall.

Dan Mallory, on The Perfect Storm: Way back in July, the usually spot-on Mallory gave the abysmal effects flick a B+, and wrote: "The Perfect Storm, by contrast, is the first disaster movie where the graphics, spectacular as they are, complement rather than subsume the drama at the story's vibrant heart." Hey, at least he writes bad things about Keanu Reeves.

Jonas Blank, on Jets To Brazil's Four Cornered Night: Jonas' interview/review of Jets to Brazil was overly positive for a band whose biggest accomplishments don't skirt far beyond being in Recess. An unusually sappy Blank wrote, "And the night's brittle moment, sketched piecemeal from a day's ups and downs and a year's worth of memories, is waiting for the sound of someone who understands." Hey, Jonas, this kind of sycophantic rhetoric should have been saved for our Big Gay Issue.