If you thought absolute silence went out of vogue with Magic Johnson's monologues, you owe a big Magic Hour thank you to Duke's own Beth Bauer.
Formerly Duke's own, anyway.
In case you missed it, Beth Bauer, the top collegiate golfer, decided to forgo her final two years at Duke last week to make the jump to the LPGA. Sound familiar to the tale of an NBA rookie of the year, the honorary NBA rookie of the year in the 2.2 point scoring, 1.1 dime dishing backup backup division, and the most recent exile to the NBA minors in L.A.?
It should, save one major twist-nobody cared.
Take an Al Gore press conference, multiply it by a 9:10 P-Chem lecture, and you've got the absolute silence and general disinterest that met Bauer's decision.
Which shouldn't be surprising, I suppose, other than the fact that the last time an athlete left Duke early it made just a few more headlines. When Elton Brand, Will Avery and Corey Maggette bolted for the somewhat, uh, greener pastures of the NBA, it set everybody's biscuits burning like a Wyoming wildfire.
I can't say that I've ever been much the biscuit-burning type, so I wasn't too upset when three's company departed for "The League." Hell, I figured it was two more grad apartments up for grabs on central.
Needless to say, I was in the minority.
In case you weren't here, the chain reaction of three Duke players leaving the same year set off an unprecedented meteorological event that saw the most hot air blow through campus since Hurricane Fran.
The Duke experience. The opportunity. Pick your argument. Some days you couldn't see the Chapel for the cloud of self-righteousness that hung over this University.
Of course, those arguments came with a label that said "Suitable for two to six year olds" because even seven year olds knew that was code language for, "Uh oh, hoops team's in trouble."
A year and change later it was simply, "Hi Beth. Thanks Beth. Seeya Beth."
Code language, "Hi Beth. Thanks Beth. Seeya Beth."
Leaving, in absolute silence.
But you know what? That's the way it should be.
Now, a women's golfer leaving isn't the same as a men's basketball player and unless there's a sudden relocation of the University to planet weirdo, it never will be. And more importantly, we all know that it doesn't have much to do with the Duke experience. It has to do with Duke graduates getting together around the water cooler and exercising our own little bit of polite elitism.
It's as simple as that. A good basketball team is our way of saying, "Your school sucks. Have a nice day."
And non-revenue sports just ain't. Sure it's as much their fault as it is the fault of the batter who steps in front of Pedro Martinez, but the world isn't always a fair place.
Take Carolina's women's soccer team. They've won eight times as many championships as Duke men's hoops, but when was the last time you got in a barroom argument about who the better player was, Cindy Parlow or Sherrill Kester? Or when was the last time you debated who was the better coach, Kitty Harrison or Jamie Ashworth?
It's not that we don't care about women's golf, it's that we care about it like we care about, say, double coupon day at Kroger. Sure, it's nice when you can go top-dollar and pick up Oreos, but sometimes life throws you Duplex doublestuffs. It's the same way with women's golf. When they won the national championship two years ago, it was a nice line to drop, but if they don't, we sweep it under the blue and white rug.
Of course, the appropriate question isn't, "Why don't we complain when non-rev athletes leaves?" It's, "Why do we when revenue athletes leave?"
I don't want to downplay how special it is to be at Duke but isn't it a little too simple to make a 19-year-old a villain because you can't win a grudge match with Dave from three cubicles down.
Sure, I like life at Duke, but you know what else I really like? Sacks and sacks of money. And I think missing out on a year or two at Duke would be OK if I could cry myself to sleep on sacks and sacks of money. Just a thought.
But it's not entirely about the money, it's about doing what you've wanted to do your whole life. It's about finally making it, and when you're as close as a Beth Bauer is or as an Elton Brand was, there's no way to ignore it. When you know you're just a step away from being the best, you never forget it.
You can't forget it.
And anything short of making it is failing.
Yeah, they give up your dream of playing for Duke, but unless you're on the basketball teams or football team, winning the national championship probably wasn't your backyard ritual. Tennis players don't dream of playing Jill Craybas. Golfers don't dream of squaring off with Grace Park, and I doubt if there are too many basketball players who imagine Michael Jordan in Tar Heel blue.
Even winning the NCAA championship as a non-rev athlete can make you little more than a footnote to the world.
And when you can be the best, it's damn hard to live a happy life as a footnote.
So let's just stop pretending that it's only about the Duke experience, and let's stop pretending that it's about betraying a program and accept it for what it is-taking your chance and making it.
It doesn't make it any easier to accept as a fan, but life isn't always about easy. In fact, it rarely is. Next time an athlete leaves early, go ahead and bitch, just try not to do it any longer than, say, the life of The Magic Hour.
UPON FURTHER REVIEW is a weekly column written by a sports columnist. It appears every Wednesday.
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.