Roland "Godzilla" Emmerich teamed up with Mel "Braveheart" Gibson to make The Patriot, a film of textbook heroes and villains that is best viewed with your brain off. When the bad guy, Colonel Tavington-sharply played by Jason Isaacs-appears, you instinctively boo. When Gibson steps on screen-with perfect 18th-century teeth-you cheer. Simple.
Gibson plays farmer Benjamin Martin, who is forced to join the American Revolution after Tavington (hiss!) murders his son. Revenge is the motive, but it's not nearly as rewarding here as in Ridley Scott's Gladiator. That film's two and a half-hour girth moved faster than a chariot; The Patriot rides its horse ass-backwards. In fact, the highlight of the film is Gibson's first action sequence, when he slaughters 20 British soldiers in two minutes with an axe.
Emmerich counteracts the lethargic pace by killing off every other minor character (except one villain), but towards the end he deprives us of one comeuppance we really wanted. Also deserving comeuppance: screenwriter Robert Rodat.
If you see The Patriot, no large sodas-your bladder might declare its own independence.
-By Martin Barna
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