Few people would argue that this has not been an interesting primary season. George W. Bush has slipped on the banana peel of his own incompetence many times, and we still have seven months until the general election. So far, John McCain has ruined more than one man's campaign-his own, Bush's and Bill Bradley's. (Remember Bill Bradley?) This race is so exciting that even Al Gore is awake.
Sadly, after today's super-whammo-national primary, this campaign will likely be over. After today's primaries in California, New York and all-important Vermont, Bush will likely have finally avoided making a critical error long enough to bounce McCain. My omission of Alan Keyes has nothing to do with racism-I am only discussing serious candidates. Also, after today Al Gore will have reduced Bradley's campaign to the point where he only exists in the memories of political junkies and CNN analysts.
But while it has been a fun primary season, we are dogged with one major problem in our primary system-the race begins with minor states that do not represent the union. For example, New Hampshire is a fine state, but minorities are underrepresented there, relative to the rest of the nation. Moreover, the people of New Hampshire will not vote for a candidate unless he or she visits their home. These people want Steve Forbes in their living room!
South Carolina is another fine state. However, it is unlike the rest of the country in that it has a racist flag flying over its capitol and it is home to a religious university that has come under fire for delivering a message of intolerance.
Michigan is another fine state, and it is more representative of the country than the previous examples. After all, it makes cars that a few Americans still want to buy and it has a more ethnically diverse population. However, it also has a governor who treats public educators like lepers, and the sole claim to fame of his rival in the last election was that he had been Dr. Jack Kevorkian's attorney.
California is the most populous state, but the nation already has to put up with too many wacky trends that start there. Let's not allow these folks to select our presidential candidates.
Indeed, no state truly represents our diverse country, so the only answer is to find a country that could serve as a surrogate and let it hold our primary for us. Of course, the answer is Canada.
Ninety percent of Canadians live within 100 miles of the United States border, and American cultural influences are so great that their federal government has passed arts content legislation to protect Canada's "unique cultural heritage." Besides, just like in any friendship, one's friend always knows one better than one knows oneself. So if our neighbors to the north are willing to put up with it, they could act as a stand-in for our primary.
There are many advantages.
First of all, Canadians would have to listen to those endless political commercials.
Our candidates would have to run on the issues. A candidate wouldn't garner much support just because his father had been president. Who cares? Now, if he had been governor general or prime minister, that might indeed be different. Ditto if the candidate were a great basketball player. If he were a great hockey player, however, he might have an unfair advantage.
The Vietnam War would finally be over. If you served bravely or protested with conviction, it would nonetheless mean little in Canada. Canadians had the good sense to stay out of that one.
Since the Canadian dollar is trading at around 70 cents, more candidates could afford to stay in the race longer. Think of it, Dan Quayle would still be in there. Okay, maybe that's not an advantage.
Canadians are experts on health care since they have lived with a nationalized health system for many years-here there are 40 million Americans with no health care coverage at all. They could tell us if either Bradley's or Gore's plans have any merits. They could help us to determine if we want a nationalized system in our own country. Maybe they could explain why Bush and McCain have failed to offer health care proposals. We could ask some of the Canadians when they cross the border to see their American specialists.
Granted, nothing is perfect, and there would be some drawbacks. Canada is a bilingual country. I don't even want to think about Bush speaking French. Gore might claim he invented Canada, hockey or ice. Canadians have one small annoying habit of speech. We all know what it is. We don't want to hear anyone say, "No matter what, I will never lie to you, eh."
Martin Barna is a Trinity sophomore, associate editorial page editor of The Chronicle and assistant editor of TowerView.
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