STONE COLD says goodbye...

Well, that's a wrap. It was a fun semester while it lasted. We learned a lot about ourselves and the Duke community. Before we get to all of our thank you's, let's take a minute to explain what STONE COLD was all about.

STONE COLD was a character we used as a creative vehicle to highlight many of the absurdities taking place on this campus. It cannot be stressed enough that this was all a joke. The role of Monday, Monday is to give people a reason to get up out of bed and face the world. Monday sucks, so we tried to make it a little less sucky.

Some of you may have been unclear to our purpose early on this year. We attribute this to the series of really bad Monday, Mondays that preceded us. We are old enough to remember good ones from past semesters, and hoped to revive the true role of this column-to repeatedly push peoples' buttons.

Obviously, everyone at this university must be a very smart person just to get their foot in the door. However, with that intelligence comes a myopic inability to laugh at one's self at times. For example, people sometimes do stupid things, like reporting moldy bread in one's sock drawer to the police-see the Police Reports in last Wednesday's edition of The Chronicle. Life is like a sock drawer: Sometimes you pull out a nice clean pair of socks, and sometimes you grab a handful of moldy bread. But there is no reason to call the police over this crime. You just have to go on, and hope that the next day you pull out a pair of socks.

Chris and Dave would like to thank the people who run The Chronicle for all their help and support this semester. We would especially like to thank editorial page editor Norm Bradley for putting up with us every week. Norm came down with a nasty case of the flu last week, so things have been a little rough for him.

We would also like to thank all of the eager letter-writers-you gave us plenty of fodder to work with every week.

Thank you to the sophomore class for not being able to find your room keys during move-in this year.

Thank you to The Chronicle for running all of those terrible comic strips this semester.

To all of the juniors who decided to go abroad this semester and forgo the experience of our column and all of its glory-I've got one word for you: Trent. Oh, the irony. You go abroad simply to get out of a semester's worth of real classes, taking little field trips to look at archeological ruins and now 60 of you are going to be slammed in Trent next semester. Can you imagine the embarrassment?

I hope our successors don't suck. If they do, don't let them know about it-the quality of Monday, Monday columnists is measured by the number of letters they receive.

Carolina: go to hell.

STONE COLD says that's the bottom line-because, well, it is.