45 Duke students, who have asked to be left unnamed, have submitted a petition to DSG for funds to convert the Lower Level 2 of Perkins Library into a safe space for students who have voted, or are planning to vote, for Donald Trump in the presidential election.
A spokesperson for the group identifiable only by the Gmail, "daddysmoney6969," said that since many of the organization’s members had lost Yik-Yak, their main outlet for political dialogue, they needed a new place to have open exchange with like-minded individuals.
Furthermore, the group stated that college was a difficult time for unrepentant Republicans, who are forced to present a quasi-liberal facade between the elite private schools of their childhoods and Wall Street careers.
Duke Enrage has filed a counter petition asking for permission to occupy the library’s descending stairwells in opposition. Meanwhile, relevant student groups have also taken note, and four fraternities have agreed to pledge their support by moving their weekly chapter meetings to the space should the petition be approved.
“We really just want to show the university that we’re regular people, just with a lot more privilege and without any of that ‘identity’ b******t.”
When questioned about the amount specified in the request for funding, the group said it was less about Duke granting the funding request than simply moving the money- from their parent’s offshore bank accounts into an SOFC account, which the group claims are, “practically the same thing.”
“Honestly why we’re all voting for Trump comes down to dollars and cents,” said one signer in a palpably defensive email. “We have a vested interest in protecting our inheritance, our tax sheltered offshore bank accounts, and the Fortune 500 companies that we will inevitably one-day control. We all know they’re going to need a major bailout come the next recession that we cause, via corporate irresponsibility and if we elect a democrat, that money could very well go to poor people.”
Another member cited social reasons for advocating a Trump presidency, “I’m a moderate guy, I’m an equalist, I believe #alllivesmatter, but this whole social experiment we’ve been trying the past few years with women, minorities and the gays simply isn’t working. Men need to take back their roles as heads of household and that starts with Trump grabbing the nation by the balls.”
The group also released a statement earlier today that should Trump miraculously win the election they would be willing to negotiate the hostile takeover of the CSGD, CMA, Women’s Center and whatever that new thing in Sanford is supposed to be.
Larry Moneta, Vice President for Student Affairs, was unable to be reached for comment at his office at the Sprout line in West Union.
Alexandria Murphy is a Trinity sophomore. She is the DPU director of social media and outreach.
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