The opposite of effortless perfection

As I walked to the Allen Building for my next class, my friend from freshman year recounted her experiences as a tour guide and all of the over-zealous “p-froshes” that bombard her with questions on the one-hour staged representation of Duke, minimizing its flaws and praising its successes. I asked her if she ever had a prospective student or a question that stopped her in her tracks. She thought for a while, looked up and said, “Yes, actually yesterday.” It was a high-school junior, doe-eyed and amazed by our institution and all that it has to offer. But she looked at my friend and asked, “Do you ever struggle with the concept of effortless perfection on this campus?” It was a question that prompted a mechanical response refuting its existence on our campus.

Even in conversation with my friend, I automatically disregarded the question. So emphatically in love with our school, I struggle to accept some of the underlying faults that plague our campus—even ones that I personally experience. It wasn’t until hours later back in my apartment that the girl’s question popped back into my head. And as I began to think about my daily interactions, I realized how much “effortless perfection” is imbibed in the culture of this campus. You can’t be the girl who weighs too much or the guy who weighs too little; you can’t be prude but you can’t be too “friendly” either. Those who haven’t mapped out their futures are rare, and what are even more rare are those who don’t believe that their future plans are the most crucial part of who they are. Duke students don’t change what they’re doing despite how they feel about it because they think it’s too late, too hard and will make them fail. They refuse to be imperfect because that’s what they feel being a Duke student entails; that’s how we got here—through perfect resumes, meticulous planning and never being vulnerable.

Even after over a year at Duke, I know I’ve struggled with this idea. When I applied for a job, the fear of getting rejected from the one job I liked trumped the importance of what I was applying for. When I didn’t do well enough in a class, I thought that maybe I wasn’t cut out for my major; and when I made a mistake, I wondered if Duke was the right choice for me. But you eventually do get a job that is better than what you could’ve dreamed of if you look in the right place. And if you really love your major, one class shouldn’t change that. And if you don’t, maybe you should change your major. And above all, learn the beauty in failing and the art of getting back up and trying again. I know it’s something that I’m still working on, but I think it is worth every moment I do.

I was reminded of this the other day when I came across a book entitled, “The Opposite of Loneliness.” Written by a 22-year-old Yale student named Marina Keegan, who tragically passed away in a car accident the day after her graduation, this book is a publication of her essays—her most famous, published the day before her passing, bearing the same name as the book. In it, she talks about her fear of leaving the web of comfort that Yale was to her and how we so often forget that we’re so young—that we can fall in love, make mistakes and fall in love some more.

“What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it's too late to do anything is comical. It's hilarious. We're graduating college. We're so young. We can't, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it's all we have.”

I feel like this is something that needs to be reiterated to students along their journey of Duke. We are so young. We don’t need to know everything. And it’s something I think I forget very often. And above all, we should remember how lucky we are to be here even though that can be very easy to lose sight of when stuck in the Edge until 4 a.m. studying for Orgo and up again at 6 a.m. for the next paper.

So, I guess my learning would be that, in the midst of planning your major out and your pre-med track and the next internship you have to have, don’t forget to fall in love with everything you’re doing. And if you don’t, start over. It’s not too late; you’re not too old; and you’re never going to regret it.

This “effortless perfection,” in which you never change your mind or make mistakes or start over, isn’t worth it. We’re so young and our beauty has never lain in our perfection. Duke wasn’t considered a top 10 institution until relatively recently. That isn’t because of its perfect image but because of its progressive nature—we worked to get where we are. So as a campus body, what is the point in being perfect? Let’s not be perfect; let’s make a difference. And as Marina Keegan said, “We're in this together. Let's make something happen to this world.”