I dressed up as a giant, red Angry Bird for all my classes on Halloween my freshman year.
Walking to the C-1 bus stop to get to my 10:05 a.m. Arabic class, I got many different looks—stares of curiosity, glares of judgment and many bright smiles.
“Oh, do people dress up for Halloween here? I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to be the only one.”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged my shoulders and took my seat on the bus.
To me, there was no question. "Today was Halloween. I wanted to wear a costume. I was going to put a costume on my body. Would other people dress up? I didn't know. Would other people judge me for being weird, or cast off as attention-seeking? Maybe, I wasn't sure. But I was not harming or offending anyone, nor was I charging any negativity into peoples' lives. So what was the real problem here?"
We are often told to be ourselves, unafraid. Just "do you." What we are not told is how to open our hearts and minds to other peoples' identities and the expressions of those identities. We are not told how to "let them do them."
Judgment is the game, and we’re all playing offense and defense.
I found this rule well and alive in my improvisational comedy class this semester. Every person in my class was hesitant to step up and perform. Creating scenes without a script in front of my peers? Of course it was terrifying. I will have nothing to say, I am going to mess up and everyone is going to judge me and think that I suck. Maybe I do suck. But then when it’s another person’s turn to get up and perform, those same people are now judging the new performers and calling out the exact same mistakes.
"You can't say "no" in improv! You messed up. The next letter in the alphabet game is supposed to be "L!" That is not how you would use a cane in real life."
How could the same people, paralyzed by fear of judgment in their own performance, dish out so much outright criticism to the new performers? Fear of judgment and the act of judging are two sides of the same coin. The first is inherently paired with the second. When we are fearful, we are desperate for a power grab, and judgment is a quick, instinctive way to satisfy. When we pacify these fears and learn to love our greatest selves, we become open to other peoples’ energies, judge less and love more.
I just ask that you think about that. Think about all those little moments during the day you find yourself judging others. He dresses like a douche. She thinks she’s so pretty. He tries way too hard—it’s annoying. Yeah, she’s gained a little weight, sucks. He’s cute, but kind of short, you know? She’s so attention seeking—it’s obnoxious.
Who cares about any of this? I am comfortable and happy, and I am doing my thing. In fact, I would be more comfortable and happy knowing people around me are comfortable and happy, that each person is doing his or her or its thing.
Not to mention, life’s too short and I’m too tired. Let the kid wear his stupid Angry Bird costume.
Rence Nemeh is a Trinity senior. His column runs every other Friday. Follow him on Twitter at @LawrenceNemeh.
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