I'm an addict

Oh, Aristocrat. Dearest Aristocrat! How you have wetted the throats of dozens upon dozens of Dukies on nights aplenty! When the clock thrusts both hands northward, we heed thy call. Yes—for even the most strong-willed of bachelors—it is, indeed, hard to resist the Crat’s meow. I, however, am a man of principle. The Crat will not consume me, nor will I consume it. For me, there is another beverage I find far more intoxicating: tea.

I have actually been drinking tea for almost my entire life. Yet, my true infatuation with tea began very early on in my Duke career. At first, we only saw each other a few times a week, perhaps even much less so. Nonetheless, with tea tasting much sweeter than wine, our relationship would soon become full-blown love. We studied together, went to class together and even played games together. We’ve had some misunderstandings, like the time she caught me spooning sugar, but I can say wholeheartedly that our love has prevailed.

I apologize in advance to all of the coffee drinkers out there. I have betrayed you. There was once a time when I was just like you, ashamedly trudging to Starbucks on the daily to purchase a cup of temporary satisfaction with a double shot of regret. Unfortunately, those days of glory are behind me. I am deeply sorry for making the healthier lifestyle choice, saving money and reducing my caffeine dependency. At least we can all probably agree that Joe Van Gogh’s disappearance is a campus-wide tragedy that deserves much-needed attention.

Java junkies may simply be unaware of the joys that tea can bring. There are so many unique flavors and types of tea that there is something for everyone to enjoy. It’s bad enough that a coffee addict can let caffeine dependency cripple his or her health, but it’s even worse if he or she doesn’t make an effort to resolve the issue. If drinking coffee is what gets you out of bed, you should add a few cups of tea to your daily routine and see how you like it. On the other hand—if you enjoy sippin’ on that fine ale—drinking tea will at least keep you hydrated.

Even if you do not drink coffee or dive into swimming pools full of liquor, I recommend trying a cup of tea every once in a while. It’s cheap, tasty and good for you! What’s not to like? Plus, if you are lacking a bit of class in your life, or just desire to be as pretentious as humanly possible, a healthy tea obsession can provide you these incredible privileges and so much more. Dos Equis did it with their beverage, so what is stopping you from doing it with yours? A little bit of imagination goes a long way. And while television ads may suggest that you have to drink alcohol to be beautiful, I am living proof that this statement is false. Actually, I’m quite unattractive—but Paul McCartney drinks tea, and he’s been cute for over seven decades. That must count for something.

Thanks to my tea drinking habits, I have accumulated a great deal of fond memories over the past semester. A few of my buddies and I embarked on a glorious quest to obtain the sacred bubble tea. I have been exposed to new ideas and stories from friends. And I have even crafted some concoctions of my own. To be honest, I have brewed some pretty nasty stuff in the past—unless you like chunks of cinnamon and expired milk in your drinks. Then by all means, go for it! But in all seriousness, I am proud to be a tea drinker. I strongly believe that it has added a new dimension to my Duke experience. Salud!

Bryan Somaiah is a Trinity sophomore. His regular, biweekly column will begin in the Fall. You can follow Bryan on Twitter @Bee_Smoove.