There is something almost sacred about the experience.
Those present form an everlasting bond; they know what everyone else has gone through.
It is a brotherhood unlike any other.
It's a free Duke T-shirt distribution.
Okay, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration (or a lot of an exaggeration), but it's hard to argue that The Free T-Shirt is not important to your average Duke student. For the reputation we have of being a little stuck-up and rich, we sure have a weakness for these costless cotton commodities.
And it's a wonder to me that some people still haven't caught on to this fact. Yes, Campus Council, I mean you.
Now, don't get angry and say we're just a mad mob, totally uncontrollable and beyond hope. We already know that we are. That is why we are in need of some intense cattle-like wrangling.
For those of you present at the Homecoming T-shirt distribution last Friday, you know what I'm talking about. We were at the mercy of those with the beloved brown boxes.
It was one of three experiences in my time here at Duke during which I actually feared for my life-the first being the cursed LDOC T-shirt distribution last year and, the second, the goal post incident earlier this fall.
Now, I'm not saying we should eliminate The Free T-shirt distribution. I fear that would lead to anarchy (although that was the same word I heard repeatedly to describe Friday).
And I'm not saying I blame Campus Council all that much. I really don't. After all, they were giving us the screen-printed shirts we adore-we just can't control ourselves in any civil manner.
So I'd like to propose some general guidelines for distribution of The Free T-Shirt. By no means are these hard-and-fast rules, they are just thoughts gathered from my experiences collecting T-shirts in my time here.
First and foremost, be prompt. If you advertise free T-shirts at 6:00 p.m. then you should begin distributing them no later than 6:01 p.m. The longer you wait, the larger the mob. And we all know that doesn't lead to a nice situation.
Second, size matters. When I go for a free shirt, I know I want a small. I don't want to fight the people bigger and taller than me who are hoping for an XL. I'm 4'11", for crying out loud; that would not fare well for my health and safety. Separate the T-shirts by size, in a well-labeled manner, and put them on tables a good distance from each other. Dispelling the mob can only be an improvement.
Third, line us up. I don't care if I'm patronized to the point where I feel like I'm in kindergarten again, following my peers to lunch in a single-file line along a piece of tape on the ground (OK, so maybe my elementary school was a bit excessive). Make us line up ahead of time-and maintain the line. The LDOC T-shirt distribution last year got the first part down. We were all in a nice line extending from the Plaza onto Main West; we just didn't stay that way once the distribution started. People must be there to preserve order.
Fourth-and this is just more of a preference-keep it on Main West Quadrangle. The West Campus Plaza is much too small to contain the enthusiasm and the crowd inherent to T-shirt distribution. As we all know from LDOC last year, those steps make for a dangerous situation, and based on my experience at the Homecoming T-shirt distribution this year, I fear falling over the plaza railing. In fact, there was one point where both of my feet were off the ground, and I was literally suspended within the crowd. Kind of scary so close to the edge.
Finally, and most importantly, do not cop out on us. We've shown time and time again our dedication to the ritual of free T-shirt distribution. I've heard some people suggest just giving so many shirts to each dorm or equally lame proposals. We are Duke. We tent for basketball games. We deserve only that which we earn. Give the T-shirts to those who wait in line, who stand up in the face of great adversity, who understand the pride and courage needed to earn the right to say, "Yes, I got The Free T-Shirt."
Allie Vergotz is a Trinity sophomore. Her column runs every other Friday.
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.