There are few things I understand less than the widespread fear of "entering the real world" among my fellow seniors. Our lives may have been fairly predetermined up until now, but isn't this the point when we can finally begin pursuing all our lofty aspirations? Isn't graduation the day when we can at last stop studying the world's problems and start solving them?
Though some of us choose to major in the arts and humanities, we Duke students are all scientists at heart. Namely, we are evidence-based people. We may be willing to work hard (sometimes very hard) for things, but only for those things that can be tangibly felt or held-the things that we can quantify and prove.
However, in focusing on the more concrete aspects of the world, we are often led to shy away from the more porous and indefinable parts of our lives. Hence, when we cannot be sure that our investments are secure or clearly see the fruits of our labors, we are not very likely to sustain them either. What I will call the "Duke disposition" comes down to two reciprocal traits: the desire to control what can be understood, and the hope to ignore that which cannot.
I will admit that when it comes to chemistry labs and AP tests, these traits may help. But, we face some severe problems when we allow our Duke disposition to move beyond the classroom and into the rest of our lives.
Just take a look at Facebook (one of my favorite examples). Why is it that so many of us feel compelled to compulsively check and re-check our profiles, taking comfort in our hundreds of wall postings, smiling photo albums and "friends?"
I would venture a guess that our obsession stems from the fact that our Internet esteems are verifiable. Remember, we thrive on the tangible and quantifiable. Rather then wading through the oftentimes-muddy experience of authentic relationships, we can safely click our laptops in perfect sterility. No need to worry about how Susie felt after you completely ignored her after sleeping with her last weekend-you can just replace her nasty wall posting with a picture of you and that flirty Theta you met last night. Therefore, we flock to Facebook because it allows us to focus on the affirming while ignoring the challenging.
Unfortunately, I think our Duke disposition extends far beyond Facebook (it is but a symptom of the disease). Friends become drinking buddies because the prospect of allowing someone to truly get to know us (or of coming to know ourselves for that matter) stands as too uncertain to be worth the risk. Our concept of dating disintegrates as we are no longer comfortable enough in our own shoes (at least while sober) to have an engaging and genuine conversation with another person.
And finally, after spending four years staying comfortable within the things we can control and understand, we seniors tremble in fear of the approaching unknown.
Before you throw in the towel, I have a secret to share. Something I have only begun to understand but that has already changed my life: The best parts of life are found within the unknown.
Don't believe me? It's not too late to find out for yourself. In fact, here at Duke you have the very thing that taught me this lesson in the first place: your classmates. Most of the students here are truly living novels. If you take the time to hear their stories, you will not be left the same.
But then again, that was your fear in the first place, right? To be challenged, stretched or maybe even changed? In the end, you are left with two choices. You can stay within your boundaries while waiting in dread of the unpredictable. Or, through a willingness to make yourself uncomfortable, you can grow by embracing the unknown that surrounds us all.
You see that person sitting across from you right now? A real-life walking mystery I bet, probably has a beautiful story to tell.
Comfort or growth?
Mark Stoltenberg is a Trinity senior. His column runs every other Wednesday.
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