You call that a Reuben?

I get the feeling we've been skirting the issue for quite some time now, which is why I think it must be said: Rick's Diner needs to improve.

It is actually a brilliant idea having a 24/7 diner at the bottom of McClendon Tower, particularly for those living in Edens. Duke students on West Campus get hungry in the early hours of the morning, and all the food you need is just a short walk away. But poor service has taken away from the convenience Rick's location provides, leaving customers like me speculating whether a drive (or even a walk) to Cosmic Cantina would have been quicker and more rewarding.

My friends and I wondered just that last weekend, when after several hours of hitting the books for midterms we went to get a quick bite to eat at Rick's. When I got there, the first thing I noticed (other than the two or three employees always smoking outside) was a sheet of paper taped to the cash register. The employees had posted what Rick's was not offering that evening, and that amounted to seven different items-a large percentage of the entrees. This list has become the norm for Rick's, but one of my friends, oblivious to that sort of thing, did not see it and ordered the Buffalo Chicken sandwich. The cashier, obviously unaware that this selection was not available, wrote down the order anyway.

I stepped up next to order the "Classic Hearty Ruben,"[sic] my personal favorite. In the middle of my ordering, the manager-or someone with better knowledge than the cashier-interrupted to tell me that they could only make a Reuben with turkey. (Make that eight items Rick's was not offering that evening.) He also took the opportunity to tell my friend the news about the Buffalo Chicken sandwich.

Because I'm not too picky with my food, I went ahead and ordered the Turkey Reuben, and so did another friend with us. The friend who wanted the Buffalo Chicken sandwich, now visibly irritated for having to order again, went ahead and chose a Chicken Caesar wrap instead. After a tedious 20 minutes of waiting, the two Turkey Reubens were prepared and ready to eat-or so the cook claimed. What he presented us was not a Turkey Reuben, but rather some sort of wrap with turkey thrown on it and mayonnaise squirted all over the place. Now I think there was lettuce in there, but it looked like guacamole and chopped onions-it was probably just a mix of whatever condiments the cook threw in there.

When I eat out, I feel uncomfortable complaining about meals. But my friend will not hesitate to do so. He glanced at the turkey wrap and immediately said to the cook, "This, my good sir, is not a Turkey Reuben!" (He may not have used those exact words.) In response, the cook asked what a Turkey Reuben was. I repeat: The cook asked my friend how to do his job.

Fortunately, my friend is an expert on food, and so he began, "Well, the Turkey Reuben is generally made of turkey and sauerkraut placed between two pieces of rye bread lightly battered-." The Rick's cook, now informed how to make a "Rick's Reuben," offered to remake the sandwiches, to which my friend and I agreed.

Of course, the re-making of the Turkey Reuben sandwiches took another 20 minutes, and by the time we got them, our friend who ordered the Chicken Caesar wrap had finished his meal. So on that weekend night, when we were all in a rush to get some studying done, Rick's took about an hour and 15 minutes. Plus, the sandwiches were nothing to write home about.