Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Teaser

When I went to see Monsters, Inc., I full well knew that half the audience I was seated with was really here to see the 45-second teaser-trailer for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. In a Recess second (we reviewed the Episode I trailer in Nov. 1998), here is a brief review of George Lucas' all-too-brief trailer. (It can be conveniently viewed at www.adcritic.com. Ad Critic has both the real trailer and the fake trailer that was referenced in today's Sandbox.) Opening with pitch black and a deep, throaty breathing, I almost mistook the whole trailer for a preview for a really good porno, especially when a very hot Natalie Portman appeared on the screen. Cut from Portman to a tall blond dude who looks way too good to be the future father of Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill. Let it be known: Adult Annikan (Hayden Christensen) is a stud.

From Annikan, Lucas cuts to some throwaway flying ships and then offers two shots to everyone's favorite adrogynous android, C3PO and the man little green, master of the force he is, Yoda. After the little green jedi, we have some more flying ships and then we see a heavily bearded Ewan McGregor playing Obi Wan Kenobi, marching side-by-side with a green-light saber yielding Annakin (there was a stifled applause from the house when the light-up phalluses appeared). Samuel L. Jackson shows up briefly, too. It looks like Lucas has given him more to do this time around. In Episode I we watched his badassed-ness just sit and nod at Yoda--Jackson may as well have been CGI. The trailer continues with scenes of armies marching and ships flying--pretty standard Star Wars stuff, except the graphics look stellar, especially the shot of a fighter flying over a massive city. There will be a longer trailer coming soon (perhaps attached to prints of Harry Potter), but already Episode II looks better than its immediate predecessor.