DURHAM - As fall break drew to a close, it was time for the Grid Pickers to return home from their vacations to begin the great debate over who will control stories for the rest of the year.
Harold "I would bother showing up at the office but I don't have the" Guttman was not at the office to debate story assignments. He phone the office to place his demands. "Just give me the Maryland games. Did I mention that Maryland is the greatest school in the whole wide world? Steve Blake is a god!"
Norm "ally I'm a student but now I'm the world's most powerful park ranger" Bradley didn't go on fall break. Instead he went to K-ville where he has begun constructing a 200 foot observation tower to make sure tenters aren't taking too many bathroom breaks. He arrived at the office wearing only a pair of shorts made out of leaves and twigs, and a hat made from a basketball. "I can't take any games," he said. "I must return to the tents. I have the conch shell, I am their master."
Kevin Lloyd " 's of London" returned home from Happy Valley to begin a constant stream of bitching at Brody. "Brody when are you going to give us our assignments? Brody, are we there yet? Brody, I have to go to the bathroom. Brody, Doran is touching Lees!"
Team Girl arrived on campus depressed about its tumble in the rankings, but happy about its break.
Andrea "My break could only be described in an adult" Bookman returned from home from an anniversary tryst with her boyfriend. "It was nice to finally spend some time with a real man," she said to an emasculated group of grid pickers. "Now will someone tell me what the hell a linebacker is, so I can get my team back on top of the standings."
Jaime "we've run out of levy related jokes" Levy, Jenny "Mr." Robinson " 's neighborhood" and Sarah McGill "is a university in Canada" were sitting around without much to add. "The grid pickers keep ignoring us," they whined.
Craig "They were right the first week my name does suck" Saperstein was busy sucking up to Brody in an effort to get more games. "I don't know why everyone is complaining Brody, take as long as you want, can I have your baby?"
Steve "I was in the" Wright "place but it must have been the wrong time" couldn't go anywhere over fall break. He was staying in his room applying to environmental science grad school. "Al Gore told me we have to save caribou and midgets, or maybe it was marmots, one of the two, so that's what I'm going to do," he said.
Andrew "Picture yourself in a" Greenfield decided to devote his break to being a groupie for the men's golf team. "Can I tell you what happened on the ninth hole," he said as the grid pickers ran.
Ray "thin but not" Holloman didn't show up either. He wrote the staff, "My roommate and this guy I met in Florida will write all my stories now. And why don't I have a column anymore. There are still fraternities I need to insult."
Brody "I" Konow "who gets what games but I'm not telling" Greenwald and Greg "I still have nice pants" Pessin wept at the general incompetence of the grid pickers. "Hey Brody," Greg said. "You and I could cover all the basketball, I hear they let an editor write basketball once. "Damn, that's dude, but only if I can write more about banks," Brody said.
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Barrett "(insert Mormon joke here)" Peterson flew in from Utah where he was chillin with Chris Burgess. "His feeling are still hurt," he informed the group.
Greg "envision whirled" Veis was allowed to participate despite the usual incompetence of the Neophytes, but was not allowed to say anything. Despite the order he kept asking when Mike Hart would bring the football quotes
Regan "how hard is it to spell my last name?" Hsu barely made it, as he had been taking more pictures of the crew team. "It's just as important as basketball," he said.