"I'm sick of you little boy and girl groups, all you do is annoy me, so I have been sent here to destroy you."
On some days, I wish Eminem would fulfill his mission. But on most days, I just wonder what happened to rock n' roll music.
For a true rock n' roll fan the current music scene titters between the abysmal and the pathetic. A few true stalwarts of rock like Metallica, the Stones, REM, U2 and Aerosmith remain standing. Some of the old legends like Bruce Springsteen also pop up from time to time and give us a tour.
Yet, sadly, they are only an oasis in the desert of shallow tunes that still aren't much better than the one that started it all-Hansen's notorious "Mmm-Bop."
I know, we've always had the groups who, as Chris Rock says, "sold albums like heroin-everyone's buying but no one's admitting it." From N'Sync to New Kids on the Block to The Monkees there will always be some generic version of "Bye, Bye, Bye" playing on the radio.
But never before has such music dominated the radio waves. And that's the real tragedy.
I personally have nothing against Britney, Christina, JC, Joey, Lance, Chris and Justin regardless of their cookie-cutter personalities; in fact I particularly admire Britney's "chest-first" approach to life. Honey, if you paid good money for them, flaunt them!
But whatever we think of their methods these musical acts have found a winning formula for making money and I don't blame them for cashing in on it. After all, the fans are buying the albums, the record labels are racking in the dollars and the performers are enjoying their newfound fame.
I'm also sure that big record label CEOs prefer to deal with several boy groups rather than one Guns N' Roses-98 Degrees and the Backstreet Boys don't throw tantrums backstage or refuse to start their concerts on time. You probably won't hear of drug charges being filed against any members of N'Sync either. And they certainly wouldn't punch "a--hole" reporters, show up to the Video Music Awards drunk or incite riots.
But guess what-you also won't find a single track on No Strings Attached that touches you on a deeply personal level. I think it's safe to say that "Tearin' Up My Heart" pales in comparison to musical masterpieces like GNR's "November Rain," U2's "One," Metallica's "Unforgiven" and Aerosmith's "Amazing."
As a matter of fact, none of the albums made by either of the former Mouseketeers, or any of the boy bands contain a single track with ANY true and lasting musical value.
If they do, I pity those who would list Britney Spears' "Sometimes" as a song that has had a special impact on their life.
The songs the boy and girl groups make also mention no universal human dilemma, offer no underlying political message or insight into life. They arouse no deep emotions. I know, I know-plenty of Britney's videos are quite arousing-but not in a deeply emotional kind of way.
The point is this: Musical acts that were supposed to be no more than "one hit wonders" somehow ended up stealing the show, leaving many to wonder how those who consistently perform empty, formulaic and valueless songs knock bands that make real music off the charts.
What's worse is that with such amazing successes come large profits so that the bottom-line oriented record executives have no real need to try anything new. The abysmal state of the current music scene thus boils down to the following: In a situation where cookie-cutter personalities bring instant cash returns who in their right mind wants to sign a garage band from Seattle?
It personally scares me that the '90s gave us only three bands (Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Dave Matthews Band) to add to the list of rock n' roll's greats and that one of these bands is already no longer making music. The rest of the stalwarts are a product of a different age, lone electric warriors in a sea of poseurs.
And it all started out so well. In the early '90s Guns N' Roses and Metallica were winding down their world tours while Pearl Jam and Nirvana rested atop the charts. A whole new generation of rockers seemed poised to again break out of the folds and lead us into the 21st century.
It was the best of times that turned into the worst of times, for the 21st century is finally here but a new breed of rock didn't usher it in.
Instead, we were led into the 2000s by a trashy Louisiana teenager and a boatload of pretty boys sporting fisherman hats and Abercrombie & Fitch shirts.
I hope that's not a sign of things to come.
Marko Djuranovic is the medical center editor of The Chronicle and a Trinity junior.
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